How I Became an Individual
A few years ago I realized that even though I had been out of the Watchtower Society for many years, I was still in many ways thinking like a Jehovah’s Witness. There were issues with which I automatically took a default Watchtower position without ever considering the issue outside of what I had been taught to think. Mostly these issues were in the arena of politics, morality and human rights.
When I was able to actually realize that I was still thinking in terms of my JW upbringing it made me want to look at these issues more closely. I began a practice whereby I would stop and consider an issue and why I felt the way I did about it. I began asking myself these two questions:
- Is this the way the Watchtower thinks about this? and then,
- How do I, as an individual feel about this?
When I found that my position was indeed based on what I was taught as a JW I would begin to educate myself on the issue; looking up information on the internet, reading books, talking to people with all sorts of different view points, etc. Based on a wider spectrum of opinion and thought I would then form my own opinion on the matter objectively.
Interestingly I didn’t always change my mind on an issue completely but rather my opinion was now based on more than one source of information. For example, in many cases my thoughts on moral issues such as personal ethics, monogamy and fidelity were little changed. To me these are common sense practices whereas in other cases, I began to look at homosexuality and sexual liberation in general in a completely different light. I no longer believed it was practical or necessary for someone to repress their own innate sexuality or completely deny it. While I am heterosexual I now respect and in many ways admire those who have embraced their sexuality whether that means that they are hetero or homosexual.
So too did my thinking change when it came to politics / political neutrality. I began to educate myself on the bigger issues and actually became quite interested in watching political coverage on TV. There are homeland issues such as healthcare and education to mention only a couple. I started to realize what a hard won freedom democracy really is and what a huge responsibility it is to maintain it. I began to look at voting in a completely different light. I now feel a little frustrated with people who don’t vote but casually dismiss or scorn it - specifically when they are told to think this way by a religion. As citizens, outside of the political arena I feel that we all have a big role/responsibility to contribute our voice and ultimately influence the governance of our country… we are after all part of a democracy, all of us enjoying its benefits. As naive as this may sound, politicians cannot ignore the voice of the people (at least not forever). In democratic countries politicians are not dictators and must eventually concede to the will of the people but they can only do this if the people make their voices heard. This translates to larger issues outside of the ones that affect us directly in our day-to-day lives, issues such as the environment, economic globalization, the military, etc.
I could go on and on about how my thinking has changed and how it may have stayed the same, ultimately though, it comes down to the fact that now I think for myself. I believe that it is my responsibility to own my actions and form my own viewpoints. Being able to think for myself, to make educated and informed decisions has at last given me a sense of what it means to be an individual.
Others may disagree with my opinions, but if theirs are based on their own independent thinking then I have no choice but to respect their position… perhaps there is something I had not considered; it is afterall part of the education process - having one’s ears open and not shut. On the other hand, I cannot respect the opinions of someone who has obtained them from a single source, without thinking about other points of view, available information, etc. Opinions are only valid if they are yours and no one elses.
The gyst of it…. open mindedness + multi-source education + critical thinking = my individuality… something I value and embrace.
(11 votes, average: 4.36 out of 5)
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What a wonderfull experience…I too was a JW for many years, until I found that issue of “Farm and Tractor” and was browsing through the Dairy Equipment section, and realized that the joy and contentment that cows have is due to their un-repressed sexuality, and a machine that you can hook up to six nipples at a time and pump until it blows a fuse.
As a JW I was taught God’s view point on sexuality, and although he was the Creator of Mankind, as a spiritual being, he had no…er…”equipment” that could be hooked up to a pump and set for five gallons.
I don’t get out of the house much anymore…at least not beyond the range of this big orange extension cord, so knowing there are others who have been liberated as I have is a comfort.
The down side is I have had to take up grazing.
Tom.Rook@Technik-SA.US
I totally agree with you guys. Too many people are robots and have not unplugged from their comfort zone to explore a different perspective. As far as God having “equipment”, I too remember being told as a kid that Jehovah had no “parts” because God is not a human but a spirit creature. Now wonder why so many Jehovah’s Witnesses cheat on their spouses. They don’t get that God created sex and wants us to get jiggy with it.
I agree with this. When I realized I no longer was a witness, I instantly became a different person. Not totally different, but I did change my views on homosexuality. However, I still struggle with extreme anxiety when I’m around a man I know is gay. I’m completely comfortable around lesbians, maybe because I don’t feel “threatened” like I would with a guy who I know might possibly be sexually attracted to me. I know a gay man is most likely not going to harm me, but still, I know how guys can be.
Anyway, I find it funny how religion always seems to have something to say about sex; usually how, when, and where not to have it and who not to have it with. I’m sure all of us have seen the disastrous results of the Watchtower’s position on sex. It’s silly really, a bunch of old men pretending that those desires do not exist, that people can actually resist masturbating and indulging in sexual desires. It’s amazing that people have actually deluded themselves so much that they want to ban something that they KNOW everybody does, that they KNOW everybody will continue to do, and that they do themselves! They tell fanciful stories about the evils of masturbation, and people buy it, even though they KNOW it’s bullshit.
How many disastrous marriages have resulted from young witness couples getting married far too young to the wrong person because they just couldn’t fight those rushing hormones. I often wondered why Jehovah would make humans go through puberty at such an early age, then make them put a cap on all those budding desires until they got married. So the Witnesses have kids getting married. I’ve personally seen two couples marry where the women were only 16. After the sex gets old, one or both of them will realize that they just threw their teens and early-twenties away. All that time they had to get out into the world and experiment is gone. They find that they don’t get along that well after all, that all those little personality differences didn’t fade away, that they just ignored the conflicts because of their desire for one another.
I agree as well that I didn’t change my mind on everything. I’m not going to go out and get tattooed or pierced, start smoking, or fight in bars. But it’s good to come to those decisions on your own.
I am constantly intrigued by Moxies brain. I do not always agree, I may be on the same path, but not as far down the road so to speak, but I do always find her thoughts very close to my heart.
This is an issue that Ive struggled with. I find it hard to be non JW as an ex JW. Politics? Conservative. No gays, no abortion, etc etc. Its part of us, this framework ,Everyone get this layed over them as kids. I wonder if there is such a thing as individuality, and how would you know? we gwet so much from ourr parents, and early childhood.
Ive come to conclude, Im still afraid God is coming to kill me, and al those who arnt super witnesses, but Im much more lenient to others and their views, and hope he understands!
Im still evaluating all of it. As Moxie said, many things, Ive found, I do agree with, internally. i still hold to much. But, many, Ive let go, and seen that :”sin” isnt so bad, and sometimes, the experience of being ultra perfect and making no mistakes as a goal, is very damaging to people, and society.
It seems that alot of JW kids make huge mistakes in their lives by being forced to feel they have to get married to express sexual urges. Thisin turn puts pressure on them to marry young: often to the first person they fall in love with, or have sexual feelings for. In my experience these shotgun weddings (of sorts) tend to end in divorce within the first few years. My nephew is getting married soon, he is a JW and I just hope that he isnt getting married so that he can lose his virginity.
sonnyg,
I see where you are coming from. I really admire Moxie’s open mindedness and stoicism. A part of me wishes I could adopt those views or at least be open to the idea of homosexuals and sex before marriage but I feel like a lot of stuff has been programed in me for life. I’ve only been out of JWs for two months so I still feel very guilty and sad everyday, I even feel wrong being on this website. There is sooo much to consider out there, I continue to be surprised at just how narrow my upbringing was. Thank you to sonnyg and Moxie for providing this community!!!
Wow, this is very interesting. I live this very differently, since I wasn’t raised as a witness, but learned about it at 18 and stayed in the JW for 13 years. It’s as if, while I was a witness, I was still attached to my old way of thinking, but put it aside to replace it with the new one. So now, I just feel like my old opinions are back, only a bit changed.
For example, I’ve just been dying to vote during all these years. I didn’t do it, because I thought it was forbidden, but I really would have liked to. That was a sacrifice I willingly made, thinking that it made Jehovah happy. So now that I don’t believe in JW anymore, I don’t have to do a major research to convince myself that it’s not wrong, like you do. I really admire that you search for your own truth, by the way, that’s what’s called being authentic.
I don’t feel like I have a major thinking change to do, because I feel like it comes naturally. My acquired way of being didn’t erase my innate self. For now, that’s how I think it is. Maybe I will become aware that I’m more confused than I think someday soon, but that’s the way I feel now.
Thank you for your very good article, because still, I need to always ask myself: “Do I still really think that?” too! Most of the time, it’s yes, with some little variations… I gained a bit of maturity since I was 18! And like you, I NEVER want to forget that I’m the only one who can decide who I am. And even if not being a JW gives freedom, always taking the easiest way of thinking NEVER pays…
Take care Moxie and keep up your good work! Girafe ☼
Ive been out for 20 years. I always vote. One thing that I learned as a witness was not to be judgemental. (Jehovah allows the higher authorities to be in their present position) If my candidate does not win I am at peace untill the next election. I see many of my peers so upset that their party is not in power they seem to loose alot of sleep. I really have to credit my witness upbringing with giving me that peace of mind.
I am forever grateful to the men and women who have died that gave me the rights I have. I sat in school for the flag salute(I know we could stand but I was a bit zellous)Now I stand and sing the national anthem with pride in my heart. The founding fathers of this country were really wize, the witness, the Quaker, the Mennonite, all can enjoy the protection of the armys of freedom and it is their right not to kill. Our country honors that. Of cource our former witness brethern have fought on the home front to help secure those rights for all the people in the courts. My fellow ex jws we are all truly blessed. We are out and each day we become more free.
Try being away from the JW’s for over thirty years never been disfellowshiped I just left and they come around my home and try to make me come back and be a good little witness. they have come into my home afterbeing told that they were not welcome and have yelled at me that if i didn’t come back and do the right things I was going to lose everything I have. then a few months later they come back and say well since you were never disfellowshiped your aren’t in any trouble them yesterday they changed their tiny little minds again and I’m bound for distruction. They don’t listen when I say LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU DON’T CONTROLL ME OR BOSS ME OR WHAT I DO SO LEAVE ME ALONE. They won’t listen they won’t stop. My mom is an active JWife hard. I’m disabled and I live on her property and they think that gives them the right to controll me. I don’t care what my mom believes. her spirituality is her business, but i’m at my wits end on how to stop these horrible people messing with me. They want their freedom to repress people at their will, but try to get your freedom of religion and it’s as if they’ve grafted theirselves to you and won’t let go. There must be a way to prune them from your life. l
Muito Bom!
it’s normal to think deeply on certain situations however in this temporary life there are only two certain things,, the good and the bad. i am not trying to sAY you lack a bit of knowledge over the truth but i just want to share you something i heard this last assembly… nobody is forcing you,,..”you have been warned” your decisions are freely chosen..that’s up to you..
independent thinking is own responsibility before Almighty God JEHOWA(JESUES) HOLY BIBLE CLEAR SAYS THAT “EACH ONE OF US IS BEFORE GOD AND HAVE OWN BURDEN,BURDEN OF SINS OF LIFE, INDEPENDENT THINKING AND CHRISTIAN FREEDOM’You will know the truth and the truth set you free…..so those words are Jesus words.
I was for past 30 years JW,I do,nt have negativ thinking about those people who failed in the theological modern autocrative slawery of JW Brooklyn Organisation based on organisational laws of 2 century so call christian churches for example thelogians Ignathius or Eusebius,only JW laws are twisted in the modern style,but anyway this is man made Gospel not JESUS CHRIST
only Gods mercy can remove child of GOD from this organisation,I am talking about children of GOD who belongs to spiritual church in the heaven, who are obey only one Teacher JEHOWA(JESUS) Holy Word Bible,and are born again John 3;3
I do,nt count according to the HOLY WORD BIBLE that anybody who left JW have freedom!,what kind of freedom!?,HOLY BIBLE teach that all who are not born again from the Holy Spirit GODS WORD Bible written to HIS CHILDREN,are going day by day to the eternal damnation (death)today do,nt exist no more church or organisations who can save own members! JW AND ALL CHURCHES BELONG TODAY TO A SATAN 2 THESSALONIANS 2;3-11. One example is NWT Bible of JW,THIS Bible is completly false and contradict with original hebrew language and greek (kojne)ancient greek New Testament.This Bible is JW Brooklyn bible, but for sure this is most misleading book leading people to false Gospel.
homosexuality is a sin against own body Romans 1;22-28 you can read more about this subject in Deutoronomy,but each one of us is like sinful filty rugs before God,and each one of us have to have mercy and love to a human being,each one of us have to cry for mercy and forgiveness to GODS ALMIGHTY because of genetical sin from Adam,please?before you put somebody down,at first think about yourself!look in your mirror!?what kind of freedom you got regardless who are you JW,Open mind,catolic or Mormon.
just put your own mind,heart,and humble beseech for GODS MERCY BEFORE IS NOT TO LATE!!! READ PSALM 51;10,11,12,17 broken spirit,a broken and contrite heart,O God,thou will not despise .nobody can help us to be saved nobody!!!Only JESUS SHED HIS BLOOD FOR HIS CHOSEN CHILDREN
all Preachers and Governing Body of JW should pray and beseech for yourself and own salvation,but for sure not lead people to salvation because BROOKLYN IS NOT PLACE OF SALVATION OR GODS SPIRIT PLACE.They lead JW to a damnation (death,)man made Gospel do,nt save nobody!nobody!Maybe only few JESUS WILL SAVE FROM JW PEOPLE,BUT THIS IS ALMIGHTY GODS PERFECT PLAN AND ABSOLUTE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT SOLVE A PROBLEMS OF HIS CHILDREN ON THE EARTH, IZAIAH 9;6-7
PLEASE?READ MY COMMENT A COUPLE OF TIMES BECAUSE OF MY EXPERIENCE AND NOT AMERICAN MIND DO,NT LET ME DO THIS PERFECT,
BUT FOR SURE I DO HAVE CHRISTIAN MIND AS A CHILD OF GOD ROMANS 8;14-18.
CHILD OF GOD POINT ONLY TO THE HOLY WORD OF GODS HOLY BIBLE,AND OBEY IS IN EACH WORD OF HOLY BIBLE NOT MAN MADE SALVATIONS AND TEACHINGS CONTRADICT GODS ALMIGHTY WORD HOLY BIBLE.2 TIMOTHY 3;16-17.
I AM SURE!?I AM PROPERTY OF CHRIST?!!BUT NOT JW BROOKLYN SLAWE MINDED MAN MADE ORGANISATION FROM THE TIME OF JUDGE RUTHEFORD SECOND PRESIDENT OF WATCHTOWER SOCIETY, OR OTHER SO CALL CHRISTIAN CHURCHES
PLEASE?READ MY ABOVE COMMENT A COUPLE OF TIMES BECAUSE OF MY EXPERIENCE AND NOT AMERICAN MIND DO,NT LET ME DO THIS PERFECT,
BUT FOR SURE I DO HAVE CHRISTIAN MIND AS A CHILD OF GOD ROMANS 8;14-18.
CHILD OF GOD POINT ONLY TO THE HOLY WORD OF GODS HOLY BIBLE,AND OBEY IS IN EACH WORD OF HOLY BIBLE NOT MAN MADE SALVATIONS AND TEACHINGS CONTRADICT GODS ALMIGHTY WORD HOLY BIBLE.2 TIMOTHY 3;16-17.
I AM SURE!?I AM PROPERTY OF CHRIST?!!BUT NOT JW BROOKLYN SLAWE MINDED MAN MADE ORGANISATION FROM THE TIME OF JUDGE RUTHEFORD SECOND PRESIDENT OF WATCHTOWER SOCIETY, OR OTHER SO CALL CHRISTIAN CHURCHES
This article really hit home for me. I’ve been away from the JWs for a long time but some indoctrinations die hard. The last presidential election was the first time that I voted. And even though I knew it was silly I felt guilty the whole time. How is it that an intelligent, rational woman can be made to feel that something bad will happen to her for exercising her constiutional rights? I couldn’t share this with any of my friends because none of them would understand the impact of being subjected to that level of mind control. So even though I’m no longer a JW I still feel the stigma of being different. I’m grateful there’s a place where I can connect with fellow survivors and know that I’m not alone.
I’m 23 years old. I moved to New York in 1992. JW’s first came in contact with my mother and three brothers as a way for us to learn english. We studied books that we didn’t understand, and on the weekends they took us out to parks, hiking, just random activities that my Mom didn’t have the time to do with all us boys (She was a single mother with 4 kids and a disabled son in a foreign country, i can’t blame her). My mother begins studies in spanish… then My disabled brother died. My mother was devastated, we were all devastated. The woman that was offering my mother “studies” showed genuine care and love for us, she was a young puerto rican woman, a nurse… she was at the hospital as an interpreter for my mom after my brother died. She took it upon herself to assist my mom in all funeral arrangements, found an “elder” to speak of resurrection at the funeral, and my mom was hooked… It was the only thing that offered her peace. I can remember her prayer while they lowered my brothers casket. I sometimes feel as if my mother’s soul was torn that day. She lost herself. She became a robot. Work, church, work, church, work. My brothers loved the attention that they got at the Kingdom Hall and quickly become little JW overachievers. They were baptized before my mom, with her approval, and she joined them a year later. We lived the JW lifestyle: kingdom halls, gatherings, movies, weddings, showers, preaching, studying, studies, the whole cha-bang– no complaints until my eldest brother decided to leave the “truth” and move to another state (at 18 years old). My mother married a 20-year veteran elder of the congregation in less than 6 months of courting. Needless to say, he was a fucking asshole. Knowing that she had 2 kids with her (and one in miami), he made it a point to battle for the title of HEAD OF HOUSE and because the Bible said that he made the decisions, those decisions were final. He had a 25 year old daughter was was also JW. He kicked her out of his house because she got pregnant and he could not keep his title as an elder if he had a unmarried pregnant daughter. She was the first to go. Me and my older brother were left. My older brother was always into the whole JW thing until he turned 17, he got tired of never being good enough for my step-father’s standards. I was in the room when my stepfather told my brother that he would not be able to be an elder if he was still living with us, so my brother, with no experience, no friends (all his friends were JW), not a dime in his pocket, just a small part-time at the GAP, left my house and faced the world alone. I can remember the day he packed his things, my stepfather made us have family “study” time to prepare the watchtower as my brother was moving. I couldn’t help him or anything. It’s like… I get so mad at my mother for being so stupid and just sitting there as this fucking stupid asshole kicked her son (my brother) out on the street and didn’t even let her wave goodbye.
After my brother was gone, all his anger and rage turned to me. I tried to do the right thing but he would constantly harass me with insults and stupid shit. I mean, I get mad at myself for how much of a pussy I was as a kid, I should’ve been the kind of kid that said “fuck you, you’re ‘not my dad” but no, I wanted my mom to be happy. I played along with all this religion bullshit. I lived with someone who was supposed to be “exemplary” in the congregation. Someone you would’ve called to seek council. He was just the biggest liar in the history of mankind, and I will always hate him and the organization that gave him that power over myself and my brothers and my mother. He moved me and my mother to Atlanta, to start over and SERVE the organization where we were needed most. I was 15, just left ALL my family in New York City. In NY i could escape his world with my immediate family who always sided with me (non-Jehovah’s WItnesses), in Atlanta it was either deal with him, school, or the congregation.
As I grew older we kept bumping heads… by the time I was 16 my mother had enough of the constant fighting and insults that she told my step-father to leave. He left. Moved to another state for 4 years. I was more free, I was more open to new ideas with this new freedom and broke out of the whole JW grip. My eldest brother moved back in with me and my mother, then came my other brother. We were all back together again, but R (my eldest bro) was disfellowshipped & G (the middle bro) wasn’t a JW and soon moved out with his girlfriend. R my eldest brother fell in love with a sister of the congregation who hired my mother into her small business. She was separated from someone who was fairly close to us as well, we knew them from the congregation. Somehow someone found out my brother was seeing this girl and she was disfellowship. The elders of the congregation and they’re whole click of people who felt they had power in the congregation believed that me and my mother were in on the whole thing. That we knew what my brother was doing and didn’t say anything or seek council. We did know. But fuck you, its my brother, am I just gonna tell him to fuck himself? No, so I kept my mouth shut. They shunned us. My mom didn’t ever get those talks/assignments at the meetings, all the kids from the congregation that would hang out with me completely turned around on me. I noticed everything quickly and just finally decided to tell my mother the truth and refused to go back. She was devastated, but she let me do my thing. She only forbade immorality in her house, while I “found my head.” I got my first girlfriend outside of the church and lose my virginity at 18 years old. At 18 all i wanted to do was fuck, so I was constantly with my new girlfriend. My mother got me to admit that I was being sexually active. When I admitted it, she asked me to move out. Yes– AGAIN: 18, no experience, not a dime, and a shitty part-time at Best-Buy.———–
The rest is just a blurr… I mean. I’ve educated myself. I know that I had a lot of JW tendencies, but now they’ve faded. I feel that I make my decisions based on my research and not by being drilled with information week in and week out. I wish there were a way to get my family out of it. Both my brothers and their wives are JW. I have a nephew that my brother G won’t let me see, because G won’t spend time around me because I’m disfellowshipped. He feels that he’ll be the one to make me go back to being a JW. My mother is still married to the prick, she talks to me, but I wish she was more about her family than her religion….
I hate Jehovah’s witnesses… you took my childhood and my family.
The Jehovah Witness organization uses very serious mind control tools that cause the members to be unable to think for themselves. I was roommates with a Jehovah Witness cult member who took away all of my basic freedoms. It is very wrong to exert the kind of control the organization has over its members and not allow them free thought.
To WWINTERRAYNES and anyone else who would like privacy in their home,
It is unfortunate that your former congregation members won’t respect your wishes and leave you alone at your request. My husband is an ex-JW too and they would come to our home every month for years to try to get him back. We explicitly said we weren’t interested and to please leave us alone. When they showed up around Christmas time last year I’d had enough. I stood in front of our big picture windows decorating our Christmas tree in the nude. Guess what? They haven’t been back since! You may want to try something like this, because they do not want to subject their existing members to “corruption” and will flag your residence as a place from which to stay away.
May we all stay strong, happy, and free from guilt!! Life is made to be lived to the fullest of our dreams, without fear and full of love. A God of love does not operate through fear and guilt, and any organization that worships a god of fear and guilt does not truly know God, because God is undoubtedly made of Love. We all know this deep inside ourselves, and anything else cannot be real.
I think what you did is really smart and admirable. By doing this you have helped better yourself by making yourself a more rounded and open minded person. I really respect you, because you were highly influenced from a very early age by the Jehovah’s Witnesses, in a way, you were indoctrinated (or brainwashed) by their beliefs because you were constantly surrounded by them. As a result, you didn’t know any better. It is really cool that you were able to identify their faults and manage to develop your own mind, which shows that you were truly faithful in my opinion. I feel that God would respect you for that, rather than just continuing to mindlessly follow the JWs.
I used to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses when I was younger, but I left because I was bored, none of my parents did it with me, and because I did not have any teenage peers also in the congregation. I also didn’t agree with some of their doctrines, such as disassociating yourself from the outside ‘world,’ that really wasn’t for me and I feel now that if I stayed I would have rebelled and just been a hypocrite. When I used to study with them I used to see those children from JW families who were home schooled and pity them because they weren’t opened up to the outside world. I feel that if they were and they still remained JWs that would have been better for them as it would mean that they were true rather than just there because that’s all they know, if you understand what I mean. It’s mindless faith, rather than real faith.
It is amazing how things do creep up even this far and this much education later where I have an anal reaction to something and I realize I’m thinking in the dualistic absolute terms of a JW and I have to unravel the knot I get into and reconstruct the thought in relative terms. Sometimes, I get an almost PTSD reaction and panic if I sense conflict or fear that everyone will turn against me if I say something counter current. I have enough experience and new skills now, like conflict resolution, to work through that one, too, but it’s amazing how much that culture affected me. The fact that I’m pouring my heart out in the middle of the night to reach out to a stranger to say it’s ok, you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, you’re actually on the path to sanity.
The thought of having all of the answers doesn’t comfort me at all. I still had anxiety from the fear of the unknown, because I don’t really believe the stories I always heard in churches. I always say, if there’s a god, god made me agnostic. To me, the only thing that has freed me from anxiety is what I consider real faith, and that is just accepting that everything is uncertain and enjoying your life and health while you have it, and evoking strength and endurance when you face challenges.
It’s great to read about other Ex-witness experiences.
I was also raised in the religion but began to lose faith in it in my teen years. It was so disappointing to see Witness teenagers leading double lives while I was expected to be perfect in the organization. Needless to say it was hard to find true friends in the congregation, as they never showed their real selves but a superficial appearance of “spirituality”. Like someone already mentioned most of the young people were trying to get a husband or wife as soon as they could to find a “safe” sexual outlet.
I hated the fact that education was never promoted, as a matter of fact young Witnesses gave little importance to their schooling, it was just something “extra” to do while waiting for the world to end.
This in my opinion leads to perpetuated ignorance about basic subjects such as world history, literature, mathematics, science, humanities, but it doesn’t really matter, after all it’s only “worldly knowledge and wisdom”. Therefore the percentage of educated or Jehovah’s Witnesses with advanced college/grad degrees (as in Master’s or Doctorate degrees) is minimum. It only shows that education is a big eye-opener therefore a no-no within the organization.
It was college precisely that gave me the sense of knowledge to critically analyze the Jehovah’s Witnesses from an objective perspective. It was also there that I realized it was a mind-controlling sect that has made so many families suffer.
I just couldn’t understand how one single group of uneducated people claimed to have “the truth”. How could one single group of people with so many flaws claim that everyone outside the religion was evil? I had met many “worldly” people who were much nicer and had more principles than many Witnesses I knew.
I also hated the fact that the religion did nothing to change views about social status or racism (believe me, Jehovah’s Witnesses carry on their previously acquired beliefs of racism and social status even if on the outside they show that they’re one big happy “brotherhood”).
Another major point that disappointed me was that the religion does nothing to encourage its members to fight for social justice or for environmental causes, it leaves everything “in the hands of God” as though we humans can do nothing to improve the world as it is today.
What if the end or paradise never came and this world as it is was all we had to pass on to future generations? Jehovah’s Witnesses rarely stop to think about this.
What about parents imposing a religion on their children? They criticize the Catholics for baptizing infants, but JWs are worse by imposing a religion on their children and expecting them to follow it as their own.
Another major point, have JWs completely forgotten about the importance of a female representation of the divine? It is a male-centered religion where women are only outside “helpers”, relegated to a submissive role of either mother, wife, or full-time servant=pioneer.
What about their missionary work who only takes advantage of the poor and desperate in some countries who are looking for some sort of hope?
They are guilty of destroying cultures and traditions by converting people who would otherwise follow ancestral and tribal beliefs in Africa, Asia, and the Americas.
The JW organization resembles the totalitarian regimes and dictatorships they themselves condemn.
Part of my family is unfortunately still trapped in this brainwashing sect and they have shunned one family member who was unfortunately disfellowshipped. I was “lucky” in the sense that I left the religion on my own choice by moving to another country. Therefore the local JW community could not “spy” on me so as to bring shame to my family who is still JW (because they do spy on people, JWs are some of the nosiest people there are on the planet).
I have the satisfaction of having freedom of thought and basing my decisions and views in my own individual ideas.
Inside of me I was always a tolerant individual, even when I was a JW, the difference is that now I can actually VOICE my tolerance and share with others my open-minded thoughts without fearing immediate outside condemnation.
To those of you who do not know how to leave the JWs or who still have feelings of guilt, one piece of advice, follow your intuition, we all have the capability to find out what’s good for us, one path cannot be right for everyone. Do not feel compelled into following another Christian religion or worse another sect, you can also be happy WITHOUT a religion. Principles are not akin to religion, we all know what things are utterly wrong. About the rest of the stuff that’s in the gray area it’s probably because it should be a matter of personal choice. Do not judge others but rather try to live your own life without hurting others or yourself.
If you do not harm anyone or yourself then no one should judge what you do or don’t do.
Do not be misled by people who only offer conditional “love” (they will accept and support you as long as you live as they wish you to).
BE SMART AND CLAIM BACK YOUR LIFE, YOUR DECISIONS, YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, YOUR INDIVIDUALITY.
THERE’S NO NEED TO GO INTO EXTREMES (COMPLETELY SELF-RIGHTEOUS OR COMPLETELY DRIVEN BY PLEASURES) THERE IS ALSO A POINT IN BETWEEN. BALANCE IS THE KEY.
YOU CAN TAP INTO YOUR OWN POTENTIAL WITHOUT THE NEED OF SOMEONE TELLING YOU WHAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG.
Am studying to b a witnes bcoz i want to knw è truth abt god and they provid answers no one else cn.dnt fil brainwashd at ol coz i knw who i want to b.i wudnt b surprisd if half of u strugle with personality isues. Ths world hs nothng to ofer.so if u wanto b in it go ahead. As far as i knw,as a witnes,ur conscience is traind and that’s y u stl thnk lyk a witnes, . Duh.if u met up with an arogant,selfish witnes who became ur father,2 bad.bt y’al knw ther r far worse people out thr. My lyf hs bn gr8 since i’v met up wit them.
I’ve been out of the congregation now for about 3 years…my mom was baptized in ‘91, married an elder & a pioner & I of course as the good elder daughter got married at the ripe old age of 19 to a former bethalite, pioneer & pioneered myseLf. Of course hit JW gold when my husband became an elder….Looking back I realize how much maniptulation comes with that religion….I was scared of EVERYTHING bc god was going to destroy me in armageddon. What an awful awful way to live life!!! I finally left my husband & religion & family after being witness to so much hypocrasy. I was constantly chastized for having a few “wordly” friends…who today are the most giving selfless family I’ve ever had…meanwhile my “family” stopped associating with me because of my “bad associates” while they continued to associate with their brother who was being put in prison for molesting little boys (which the elders tried their damndest to cover up).
Now I am happy, know who I am, and am allowed to make my own decisions. It did take a long time to not be scared of “destruction” & to really know & aCcept my own views….I have friends who are pagans who the church would have u believe are Satans own…yet they are good & caring people….
How & what u believe is nobodys business…I now firmly believe in being a good person, be happy, & try not to hurt anybody in the process….ironically the jw”s preach it & yet gods principal attribute they niss the mark on everytime
PRAY FOR MY SISTER… SHE IS A PRISONER IN THAT CULT!
Have just discovered this website and like-minded people. I was raised as a JW from 1 yr old and totally brainwashed in the ways of the cult ( could use strong language here, better not! ). My whole life was controlled and dictated to by a group of self-opinionated tossers bent on breaking my spirit to the point of depression and panic attacks. My mother wanted to help but was totally under their control, my elder “father” cut me off and never said a word to me for the last year at home- we were not allowed to question anything, exercised the “headship” rule and ultimately a wooden stick, he loved physical violence. Not allowed to voice concerns to other elders, just put up and shut up. Incidentally, I know seven people who topped themselves, all of them either practising or ex JWs. I left the cult at 25 y.o. hardest and best decision I ever made, should have done it years earlier. I was just a fish out of water, found it hard to make relationships still thinking subconsciously that non JWs were all evil. I became very depressed and confused and put on a lot of weight, JWs in the street would stop to talk but ultimately smile and take the piss- my punishment for leaving? It took me another 25 years of constant thinking and self-search to arrive at atheism, all religion is just one massive ego trip, carrot and stick situation, but hey, each to his own. There are/ were many “good” JWs who did it for the “right” reasons, but they were the most repressed ones who were eventually worn down to become the mindless morons they are today. You’re all right about education, it does help you to think clearly and rationally; again, education was positively discouraged, ” We don’t need the things of this world”, yet most drove cars, owned mobile phones etc content to take advantage of technology but not to contribute to it. One new convert had a university degree, everyone looked up to him and kissed his arse but we were told it was not for us. Lots of hipocrisy/ double standards in the organisation, one pioneer was actually f***ing his sister at the time, he was kicked out but the whole thing was hushed up. So am I bitter? You bet, or rather I was but since discovering myself and learning how to be a real person I am now, believe it or not, much calmer and more rational as an individual. Discovering the likes of Richard Dawkins, Chris Hitchens et al has helped me to move on, but again, each to his own. To anyone in this situation I say just follow your heart and do what you think is right, within reason of course. It may take some time to resolve, if any of us really ever do, but relative peace and happiness is achievable. JWs bang on about false religion being exposed and destroyed- let’s hope they are first up!
I was born into being a jw. So born and raised. I’m 20 and got disfellowshipped at 18. I believe in the religion. There are certain things I have a hard time understanding like being disfellowshipped. I understand the simple fact of it. but being “shunned” doesn’t make me hate or feel resentment towards other people. Or my parents.its hard to be away fromthose I grew up with. And by those who won’t talk vto me. As sadening that is I would not want those people to go against what they believe. Would I ask someone to stop celebrating christmas just cause I don’t agree? No that’s not my decfision to make. I was never pressured to get married at a young age. Instead I was urged to wait to become a mature person like anyone should. Since I was underage and living under my parents roof yes I was told I had to do certain things. Doesn’t most kids have to do what their parents say if they live with them? Just a thought… not being a witness now has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Like regardless of what people say or what their opinons are I am a christian and I believe in the bible and that’s what should be followed there are so many religions that put in there own ideas and adjust the bible to fit what they want. How is that true? How are they better just cause its more accepted! I believe my relationship with god right now could be better and at this point in my life I believe if a judgement day comes that’s between me and god. Not what others think or want including those that are jw or not. Yes I firmly believe we are all extremly imperfect and make mistakes. Doesn’t mean just cause someone has a bad experience with a jw in their childhood should form their entire thinking of the rest of the organization. I find that really disrespectful. Again yes we are entitled to our opinions. But if its based on limited understanding or example I dnt find it valid. Many may say oh you still have the thinking of the witness well yes of course I do! But I have educated myself in what I believe and stand for. Which is following the bible. Regardless of being specifically in the organization.
Yes the organization isn’t perfect! To luna: Yes it was hard for me to see other kids libing double lives NOT getting in trouble and being held up so highly. While I was getting introuble. Sucked! But that is not how things are suppose to be. Being pressured to get baptized was there for me. Yes wrong no one can make you do something your not ready to do. Its hard being strong and knowing what you need and can handle. Those who dictate you nee to do this and that you gotta act this. Its wrong.
I. Don’t understand how everyone says that they were brainwashed. Don’t we all have an individual brain? We are all able to decide what’s wrong and right. Doesn’t. The bible say we can determine what’s right and wrong.
Yes jw preach about false religions will be exposed and destroyed, and by saying they should be the first to go what is that really saying? Everyone who is a jw should be destroyed? I thought god was a loving god. Regardless of religion shouldn’t we be individually judged? Not by our past, family or certain beliefs. I k now I’m not perfect should I be judged as to whether I live or die because my thinking. Personally my imperfect thinking I thi k those who torture or mistreat animals should be put to death. But probably not a basis which everyone thinks. I think god is the only one that can make a fair true choice as to who lives or dies. Not me or any other human being.
“I don’t understand how everyone says that they were brainwashed. Don’t we all have an individual brain? We are all able to decide what’s wrong and right.”
Hello Bri, you made some valid points but this statement above stood out to me. Jehovah’s Witnesses are not really able to decide what is right or wrong. They are told by a small group of old men living in Brooklyn what is right or wrong. Their “beliefs” about what is right or wrong are then enforced under the threat of being kicked out and shunned if anyone dares make a stand against what they have been TOLD is right or wrong. These forced beliefs can also be changed at the drop of a hat by those old men under the pretense of “New Light”.
I feel that I should clarify my statement a little bit. As a Jehovah’s Witness I can have my own beliefs about what is right or wrong, but I’m not allowed to express them to other JW’s. I have decided that it’s wrong to shun my own sister simply because she no longer wants to belong to a glorified Publishing Corporation. But if I dare tell the Elders that I believe it’s wrong I will have my thoughts “corrected” or I will be threatened with being kicked out or marked as being “spiritually weak”. I will be shunned by my parents and subjected to the same emotional blackmail they use on their own daughter. I am not free to express my thoughts and beliefs about what is right or wrong.
I’m very sorry for what you’ve gone through by being disfellowshipped. I’ve seen the pain and heartbreak that is caused by this policy. It’s wrong to treat loved ones like this. I’ve read a few books about cults and it has helped me understand many of the practices and behaviors of the JW’s. The quote below sums up how I feel about being raised as a JW.
“When our own thoughts are forbidden, when our questions are not allowed and our doubts are punished, when contacts and friendships outside of the organization are censored, we are being abused for an end that never justifies its means. When our heart aches knowing we have made friendships that will be forever forbidden if we leave, we are in danger. When we consider staying in a group because we cannot bear the loss, disappointment and sorrow our leaving will cause for ourselves and those we have come to love, we are in a cult.”
Deborah Layton- Jonestown Survivor
When I was a witness the congragation I vwas able to have my own thoughts and opinikons. If someone didn’t agree or if I. Didn’t agree with something I wouldn’t take it so personally. I know we are all terribly flawed.
To watchtower witnesses. You said jw aren’t really able to decide what’s right or wrong. Well I. Don’t get that. I think most people today are cowards and don’t stand up for what they believe or questions regardless of the worry of counsol. You said you are a witnesses? And have a sister that is df. My sister hasn’t talked to me in about 2 years. My parents know exactly how I feel and they were always open to trring to understand what my thinking was and why I thought a certain way. Everyone grows up in a different way. Some have stricfter parents or easy going parents. Some are heartless and don’t look at the whole picture of things. I’m sorry your parents aren’t understanding of how you feel. They ont need to agree but can atleast understand. Had been a witness I saw how hypocritical things were. How you see elders give you counsol about something but yet their kids were doing the exact same thing! You should be able to voice your concerns and worries or doubts with open ears. Without the fear of judgment. As true christians that shouldn’t be hard right? But we forget how fucking flawed eachother
is.! If you really are a jehovah witness. I think you need to make a decision as to who your gonna put your loyaltys to. As we all know you can’t have both worlds. Leaving on your own terms and not gettings disfellowshipped will be slighty easier. But hard nonetheless.
Just curious about the site I noticed on my blog I had received numerous visitors from here. I commend you all who have come out of the watchtower society. I have written a book that address the core of the doctrine on the 144,000 I suppose someone posted it here for us to have so many visitors from here. thank you for your support and God bless you all “Israel Returns”
do you think you are doing the right thing.resting on your own thoughts can damage you.but be assured that Jesus said people will dislike his fellowers.thats what youre doing. following satan and ridiculing Jesus’ followers Jehovah’s witnesses
Moxie, it’s ironic that I am posting this immediately after the comment made by “whiteblay”, for I have a completely opposite opinion than he/she does. I’ve seen some of your youtube videos and I think that you are very peacefully and respectfully presenting a different view than many JWs have ever even been allowed to imagine. I’m in Canada as well: London, Ontario.
Keep up the good work, and if you’d ever like to chat, please let me know. As I said to a friend regarding your videos, you’ve moved on from JWism in a very positive and wonderful way. Cheers.
I’ve never known much about JW other than the people my mother would constantly kick out of the house…grown up as a Catholic i resented my faith at the age of 12 due to some “misleading” by a friend….
i kept hopscotching back and forth till i was in high school and then completely left the faith… Ironically calling myself the “Fideli Defensor” ( lookkit up yourself ya dumb bums) ….i was extremely happy thought i killed most of my sexual urges by making me extremely EXTREMELY repressed…until i confronted my urges at 18 … halting any chance of sexual deviancy …than could pose a danger to others or myself….
….how this has to do with JW?…. i know not….but that m break with religion…not horrible just blah….my condolences to those who have suffered and despaired due to this cult of Orwellian horror…
Today though i was shocked as this girl in my lunch break kept instigating to my friend who to my lack of sharpness was gay….( quite the astute one i am ) she would tell him of places where he could be “cured” of his diasease…scarily enough my school is NEXT! to the Watchtower buildings… and they are scary to look like like a H.P. Lovecraft story..i never see people going in or out of them…yet they are pristine…..for such empty and imposing structures
i feel bad for that girl..as much as i would like to “corrupt” her. The extent of the JW puts her beyond the grasp of reason… i want to see if she pursues or tries to push me into this..though she can tell i am the “dissident deviant” of the class
I was a JW for almost 30 years . . . the full gambit. That organisation is ‘not perfect’ as they themselves freely admit. Therefore they are not fit to judge others, nor qualified to refine the consciences of others . . . how can you maintain otherwise?
Since my departure 5 years ago, the ‘truth’ has become simpler and clearer with every passing day.
At Matthew CH7 v1 Christ simply states “Stop judging” or “Do not judge” . . . why oh why is this so hard to understand ???
There is only one mediator between man and God . . . Jesus Christ. How can this honestly be modified in any way ???
The true freedom of the believer in Christ is summed up in 1Cor 10;23-33. Is this so hard to understand ??? Really ???
For me, the Christian conscience finds a ‘kinship’ with the disposition and personality of Christ and continually seeks that kinship. It manifests itself in a principled way of life that brings much good into the lives of others. In turn this brings true happiness to the individual and serves as a recommendation to others, be it heeded or not.
When thus ‘connected’ the need for interpretation, rules and uniformity from a ‘religious organisation’ that freely admits it’s shortcomings and unreliability is based on what??? and serves what purpose other than to inflict those failings on others ???
Draw your own conclusions based on your own conscientiousness. Take full joy from your ‘kinship’ and answer honestly for your own errors
You the HAPPY ONES!!! Do you imagine 7milliom brain washed people around the world are praying daily for 6Billion 993million human beings to be distroyed if possible the next day? Waw!!!J.day is close!
of course?
Be happy Elohim does not distroy anyone.Jehovah is expected by those of his own, yes. You know FOR SURE that he always distroys his own people.History teaches us the truth.
I soory for those hated because of JW doctrine.Those who can not solve their marriage problems because of the new world.Families divided,hated and damned one onather.
I had all the experiences I read above.Now I found true light.
Hi, as a child I endured as I best can describe it persecution via my mother under the Jehova Witness doctrine. I escaped JW brain washing when I was 18 by moving out the house on my own.I would like to know from anyone who reads this if they are intrested in legal action (If it can be done) against the JW’s. It will be intresting to try and stop these monsters. I feel that my childhood was unduely influenced by the JW’s and that their beliefs broach human rights legislation. I visited my dying mother as per her wish and the good old boys JW’s were there wanting to know from my mother what prvision she has made for them in her will. Can you believe the nature of these vuktures. Why would Jehovahs chosen want money.
Colin
For all of my fellow ex JW’s… We made it! If you are a newly ex JW congrats on thinking for yourself for the first time. It will get easier. Give it time. Just remember, the rest of the world cant be wrong. Not everyone is bad, there are truely good people outside of the organization that can be trusted and make great friends, not just because you are the same religion they are. For all of you who have family that will disown you.. I know how you are feeling it never gets easy. As I said time heals all wounds. Just remember they are just trying not to piss of a God, they miss you but giving them what they want and going back to something you know isn’t real wont make you feel any better. All the best in your new life.
Nice to find sites like this, I was raised as a witness from birth and continued on until I was 29, was married and a ministerial servant. My problems started much earlier though, I was an avid reader and researched everything, which the witnesses kind of encouraged, I just never really got it that they only meant their publications. As early as the age of 16 I had questions that had me in front of commitees as a potential apostate, but it was only because I went to the library and looked up the entire passages that were quoted not only in the Watchtower publications, but also in other religious organizations. I soon found that the elders and ministerial servants were not bible scholars but merely parrots of the Governing Body and that independent thought was frowned upon. When I decided that I wanted to go to college, they actually brought me before the elders for seeking secular knowledge and they verbally beat me down, taking advantage of my superstitious and irrational religious upbringing to guilt me out of it. Then I met a girl in the faith, got married and was tethered to the organization by marriage, over 500 people that I had grown up with and I just played along for fear of losing my friendships, my marriage, my son. More and more I guess my Sunday talks and discussions continued to reveal the breadth of my thinking (though the talks or sermons at the time were pretty much outlined for you, the way one presented them was to a certain extent left to the speaker as long as it fit in with the teachings) and my talks did, I just quoted outside sources alot that weren’t in the outlines, I mean I didn’t stray from topic and kept it to love, harmony, peacefulness, etc. but a traveling overseer saw something and we had a long talk, short story, I was disfellowshipped and lost my family and friends anyway. I was shocked at the stories that were literally made up about my disfellowshipping and I lived in a small town, people would tell me things that I was accused of that had never even crossed my mind, I was fired from my job because of these rumors, lot of bad blood now. Still I was suprised how long it took me to purge myself from the fears that had been ingrained into me even though I no longer held those beliefs. Frightening GroupThink.
hi, i sort of have simular veiws as you but i think iv got there a different way, i was brought up a witness wasnt baptised and havent gone to a meeting since i decided to marry my husband raised a born again christen, you know the score with the uneven yoke, iv come to the conclusion that to form an understanding and oppinion on a subject then you have to have educated yourself with every sorce of information avaliable to you, but i also realise now that without the witness’ teaching me how to research & study information i wouldnt be able to educate myself aswell as i can. my husband often comments on how i can pick up a Bible and find an answer to a question thats popped up or can cross reference material etc. i was a catholic in a catholic school untill i was 8 then a witness till i was 18 & the way of teaching is very different, i disagree with some things like the blood issue but my son was born with a heart defect so thats that delemer answered for me he needed it he had it. alot though sits right with my installed moral compus Jehovah gave us all. i think if you live right, treat others well and think about him hes happy, if im wrong then ill know when i see him. just in answer to the comment about God not having the equipment, if he didnt know that pleasurable feeling then neither would you!
I’ve read through the comments and am especially interested in the people who are still being visited by the Witnesses years after having left the religion. In 2006, the Witnesses came to visit me and offered me a Bible study, and I accepted because of my interest in Bible prophecy. I stopped in early 2008, and even though it was a struggle to end it, I thought that it was over. I didn’t agree with some of their views, especially the Witnesses’ viewpoints towards other religions. Later that year, they came back, and have been coming back every month since then. It’s been nearly three years since I quit the Bible study, and I can’t believe that they’re still coming. I’ve tried not opening the door, and they come back anyway. I never regularly went to the services, and I was never baptized, so I can’t say that I was ever really a member of JWs.
It’s too bad I didn’t see this website a month ago. If I had, I would have put up a big Christmas tree like one of the posters above. Maybe I’ll get one next Christmas, or maybe I’ll get a statue of the Virgin Mary in the meantime.
Here’s what I don’t get…why do all of you feel so guilty? Why do you care what a bunch of weirdos think about you? You obviously don’t respect them (nor should you). So why why why do you care anymore? Get over it, already! And, for that matter, all religions are a bunch of bull! IT IS ALL MAKE BELIEVE! The only thing I believe in is karma. Which is the only rule ever: do unto others, etc. You don’t need a god or religion to tell you to be decent to your fellow creatures, which includes humans, animals, insects, etc. Sure, we need to eat, but we don’t need to slaughter animals in a cruel manner. Sure, I don’t want that fly in my house, but I’m not gonna pull its wings off before I kill it. Just…BE NICE! You don’t need any religion to tell you that, right? Good grief, just think how many people have been killed in the name of “God”. IF there was a God, it would be pretty disgusted with us humans. Lucky for us, there isn’t.
Hi,
I was raised in a Jehovah’s Witness family and still live with my parents in India. I hate my religion and what it has done to me. I feel my head is full this organization. Yet, I do not know what i like or want. I was MS some months ago but i stepped aside citing reasons such as ‘my work keeps me busy so i can’t attend the meetings… etc.’
I know for sure that if i continue as a JW, i will have a comfortable life because ALLLL my family is JW, my parents will leave a fortune for me. And when i say all, i mean my parents, their siblings, their kids, grandads etc. And most of the guys are elders. My dad is one too.
I told my family that i want to leave the ‘truth’ coz i don’t belive it is the ‘truth’. I told them i’m not very religious. Mum starts crying, my sister who stays in another country starts calling me up…crying again.. my brother in the US starts counselling me over emails…Gaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwd.
Please tell me what would be the better option -fading away or getting dissassociated? I do not think i can tolerate elders calling up me the rest of the weekends of my life or see my mother cry all the time, if i try to fade away. On the other hand, would I be able to survive alone and away from my family, if i disassociate? I do have girl friend and she is not a JW; i know she and her family will support me. How can i be an individual?
Thanks,
george
Hi! Thank you for sharing. It’s so good to finally see I’m not alone, and that there is a whole mess of us out there. In a way we’re together, and that’s nice.
good work moxie.
thank you.
Reading some of these stories makes me feel so sad, yet not alone. This is the first time I’m reaching out and–gasp!–taking the initiative to talk to others with whom I can relate. Of course, I’m a wee bit paranoid, but I’m learning to lose these deeply intrenched feelings and thoughts.
Liz, love your kind and upbeat post (9/2/2011).
George, I feel and completely understand your pain. I wish you the best. You have already taken the first brave step and told you family that you do not believe it is ‘the truth.’ What I always tell my family is; “You cannot dictate for others what ‘the truth’ is; for some, Hinduism is their ‘truth’, for others, Islam is their ‘truth’; everyone must decide for him/herself what “the truth” is. The religious and cultural pressure you are under is tremendous. I know your pain, in my own way. (keep reading)…
I don’t care what any JW parent says, their love is conditional, unlike the love of the God about whom they preach. JW parents and family members love–to an extent; the extent to which a child serves Jehovah. I have seen this first hand in my family. My sister chose not to get baptized, despite the pressure. My mother actually told her that if she didn’t go to meetings she wouldn’t support her financially (yet she did). I, however, got baptized and did all the “right stuff” JW-wise, and I saw how my parents showed favoritism to me. So hypocritical and unfair, and it put a division between my sister and myself, yet in my JW-thinking, I was doing the right thing.
On the flip side, my parents were cool about us getting college educations, to the chagrin of the elders, pioneers and others. My parents just replied, “Jehovah gave them a brain to use; now use yours and stay out of our family business.”
I attended a snotty, upper-class congregation (by default) in which the elders wives would not talk to me because I was going to college and had moved across the country to go to school. Yet, these very same “God-fearing people” would pump my friend with questions about me; “What is she like?” “Does she have a boyfriend?” yet when I’d attend meetings for service, they would have their pre-planned cliques and not include me. And, they wanted their daughters to marry well–and how exactly do you marry well unless it’s to someone who received an education or was born into wealth?!?! I attended a well-known university whose football team they adored, and tried to see if they could score tickets from me. Um, ironic? They made me so sick to my stomach, yet I endured in that congregation for several long years.
Despite some hard times with imperfect people and meeting some loving, amazing people, I have departed from meetings and am on my own path. It has been and continues to be a long, frustrating struggle, and at times I feel desperately lonely and somewhat paranoid. I went to the elders and told them I wanted to leave. Most of us know how that goes; I tried leaving and was always talked down, talked back into staying. Finally, I just stopped attending and moved away. I didn’t give a forwarding address but I have gotten some texts and emails from some well-meaning individuals. At this time, I just can’t be burdened with more guilt and stress. I do believe in a God, a higher power and that His love is greater than we can understand and imagine with our limited minds. Yet, I don’t believe this God is as vengeful and hell-bent on destroying innocent, non-JWs as some would have us think.
I’ll keep you posted on how it goes, and I certainly welcome any encouragement from any of you who feel or who have felt what I am going thru. I, too, was the “perfect” JW who tried to do everything right and finally caved under the pressure. My only request is that you keep your comments positive, encouraging and upbeat. I don’t need any more judgement or negativity.
Thanks for this site!
Thank you Moxie for that article. I am being asked by a national radio station to tell my excommunication story so I thought I would look at this forum to see how other people like me are managing.
I have to say that the comments from “Bri” sadden me greatly. Those ideas that you have about Witnesses being able to decide for themselves, speak their minds and act in accordance with their own personal beliefs are just completely untrue and unfounded. Of course every person is born with what the bible calls “free will” but there is also something called having agency, which Witnesses do not have. They are also disenfranchised, and in many many cases, they are abused.
You may be happy with the organization at this time in your life and that is fine. But please be aware that the people who speak on these forums were at one time filled with an overwhelming amount of pain and depression because they were violently punished for not ‘fitting in’ with an organization (I repeat, organization, like PETA or GREENPEACE). Perhaps we did speak our minds, decide for ourselves and then act in accordance with our own personal beliefs, but this came at the cost of our families, our friends, the world as we knew it, and our support systems. This is extremely emotionally and psychologically damaging- you should respect that.
I sympathize greatly with “zdl”- when you spoke about working at places like Best Buy. I moved out of my parent’s home when I was 16, working part-time at Home Depot while finishing high school. I was horrified, and back then I felt as you did, that I hated the organization and in particular the elders who had been responsible for disfellowshipping me. But I do hope those feelings of hatred fade. Living with hatred in your heart is no way to live, and it causes much greater harm to yourself than the people who have inspired it.
At the age of 24 I now feel an overwhelming amount of joy that I escaped the organization. Perhaps one day you will feel grateful that your step-dad showed you how controlling and abusive it can be and saved you from further torment. I hope so!
Lots of love on this forum, thank you for sharing yourselves!
I was DF for over 3 years. I had to come back because my kids and grandkids would not have anything to do with me. I am now “back”
no privilages, no talks, not allowed to be at construction sites with “clean” jw’s. But I can see my kids and grandkids.
So I go to meetings and miss because of work a lot. get my 1 hour per month to keep the “elders” off my back and highlite my WT in bright orange so even the astronauts in the space shuttle know that I’ve “studied ahead”.
Life is good and when I feel a little stressed I just ride my Harley.
They are not bad people. They won’t kill you, some will try to rip you off in business but that’s about it. Some are child molesters but that’s rare.
It’s kind of like this. You only get one pair of shoes in your life and if you happen to step in dog shit you will have to wear it a long time. Even you you get it all off the stain will always be there. So you just have to deal with the stink and the legacy best you can.
Cheers
I also grew up within the JW. My mother converted when I was about 10. I managed to move away from JW at about 23. This was 4 years after I moved out of my parents’ home.
This was a difficult transition, caught between guilt and depression and no sign of hope. I had no social skills at all in the ordinary world.
Later the JW disfellowshipped me. So I was shunned by all my family.
At 26 I tried suicide, but survived. My parents allowed me to recover in their home, so the JW shunned them. I then challenged my disfellowshipping and years later, it was reversed. My brother refused to treat me as normal but continued the shunning and prevented his children getting to know me. They are all strangers to me, so it is not painful.
At 29, I was travelling overseas, had some sort of crisis and met a psychiatrist (a ship’s doctor) who gave me a concentrated treatment over several days. This transformed my life. I felt like I was 15 with a wonderful life ahead of me.
His treatment taught me meditation (which I had never heard of) and focussed on the fact that I had totally blocked my emotions and was stunted emotionally. He also emphasized rational thinking to counteract the negative messages I had absorbed, from my parents and the JW.
The sense of freedom was amazing, a flow of inspiration and joy arose which has never really left me. I am now 67.
Eventually I found my spiritual home was in buddhism, where one is totally responsible for all one’s actions and thoughts.
I knew I was totally free of my conditioning within the JW and my disfunctional family when I felt no need to defend myself against their views. There was no-one to forgive or blame. Only compassion arose for how misguided people could be. With time, I worked to establish a relationship with my mother before she died. When my father died, I had not seen him for 9 months, due to his unending bitterness towards me. I was present with both my mother and my father when they died, and wished them well. Through my buddhist practice, death is a wonderful opportunity to experience the truth of human existance.
Since the death of my parents, I have been working to reconcile with my extended family who shunned my parents (along with us kids) when they converted to JW. It is a rewarding experience. To find acceptance by ordinary people and see how the world functions pretty well after leaving the JW, is a healing experience.
I write poetry, mostly, which arises from the joy of life. It just bubbles up from within and fills the page. It is freely shared wherever it may be useful. This is my small gift to the world.
May all beings be happy and discover the joy of living.
Hi Vajra, boyd C Chance and others. I have been out of the JW’s for a while now. Its actually funny, at first it was that i got into a kind party type atmosphere as a teenager, i was around 17. After a while got into financial trouble and had to move back in with my JW mother. Now i am independent again for a number of years now. At first i kind of just took it all in and now i am actually having trouble adjusting. I am kind of sad because now that is gone too. So now i not sure how i’m suppost to feel. Your story about Buddism is nice to hear about. If anyone wants you can go to my blogger page (just to give each other support). Thanks
ex-jw-life.blogspot.com
I think it is pathetic how everyone here puts down the JW religion. The fact is everyone is entitled and chooses the religion to practice. The point we are all missing is which every religion you worship we are praising the same GOD… I was raised as a JW i have not attended the congregation since i was 18 years old i am 46 years old now. I do not harber any hate or ill feelings towards the religion because i believe that the core beliefs come from GOD; Humans have distorded the mission statement but why hate the mission… in every religion there is some good unfortenently when something does not go our way or there is a difference of opinion then these horrible feelings start to fester…. liberate yourself and ignore the ones that cause the problem not the religion…. Today i do not attend church not becuase of the JW thing but merely because i believe that i can have a relationship with the almighty without having to go and congregate somewhere… god listen to you where ever and when ever…. The fact that you are all posting these horrible notes about the JW is a form of stereotyping and that is not fair…. i am sure that this does not please the Almighty God!!! doing this is just pleasing the Devil resist that urge….
It took me five years to remove the JW mind set… yet still to this day 25 yrs later thoughts will randomly come to mind that temporarily question my actions of seperating myself from this organization. Mind you, I said temporarily…. that is until my rational mind takes over again. (good example of the power of BRAINWASHING). Never and I mean NEVER would I ever go back to being this mindless (but questioning)obedient JW sheep.
In the beginning I was so thrilled to be learning about the Bible and God (previous affilations was the Baptist Church and the Catholic Faith)that I was willing to let things slide when they appeared to be questionable (I was told the truth was like a puzzle and eventually I would be able to see the whole picture, just give it time)and as I learned I slowly altered my life and behavior to conform to their teachings. Eventually being baptized, going out in service & giving talks in the Theogratic Ministry School. The more involved I got, the less important my family (parents, siblings, etc.) begame & when seeing them felt obligated to their conversions. Classic senerio.
I should mention we entered JW’s as a family. My husband (now an ex and still a JW) and 2 minor son’s (an 8 yr old and 1 yr old, four yrs later we had another son). Raising my children in this restricted and regmented life is my greatest regret and sorrow…and I would give anything to be able to go back and change it…too make things right. I allowed their childhood to be robbed of the awe/wonder/security of being a child.
My then husband embraced the teachings with eagerness, they validated his place in the family unit as the head/authoritarian. To make a long story short he felt his place gave him the right to physically abuse me his wife and his children, drink to excess & to command the household. His treatment of me, the children, his infidelity etc was brought to the attention of the elders many times & ignored. I eventually had enough and left with the children. I worked and supported myself and the children without any financial support from him.I quit going to meetings and associating, started back smoking and eventually committed adultery…..and was disfellowshipped! Best thing that ever happened to me. We finally divorced, he remarried and divorced again & still is a standing member (elder)in the congregation.I’m the apostate!
The friends I made while a JW quit being friends when I left the JW’s. Never felt they were true friends to begin with always felt a shallowness behind their friendliness. My brother and his wife (JW”S) shunned me up until he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor but made peace with me before he died. My sons grew up in fear of Armegeddon and felt there wasn’t a need to set goals for theirselves since the end was upon them. The 2 youngest getting involved in things they shouldn’t. The eldest left home when he was 17 due to a beating his dad had inflicted upon him (we were still together at the time)for a minor infraction of house rules. One son has deceased but the remaining two have nothing to do with their father. They have approached him many times but all he does is “preach” to them.
The teachings of JW’s is a form of brainwashing and mind control. They isolate you from your family and others of “the world”. They occupy your time with five meetings a wk. Require you to “publish” which is selling WT publications. Dress requirements for meetings. Don’t partake of “worldly activities”, includes holidays, social or government involvement. They take all instruction from the “governing body” housed in NY. All matters are to be settled by the “elders” not law enforcement or the courts. To be an elder doesn’t require any educational degrees, certificates or special training yet they feel their qualified to judge, officiate or preside over delicate sometimes criminal/civil matters. It’s a sought after position in the congregations because it elevates ones status to one having the authority, when in fact they are suppose to be servants to the congregation. Ministeral Servants are the gofers.
I know I sound bitter & perhaps it is true. Some will say “it’s just the congregation you were in”. I’ve attended four different congregations…each and everyone was the same. I also recognize that my ex may have some mental health issues.
Hey all you brain-washed naive J dubs. I too grew up in “THE TRUTH” as you like to call it. My father, brother, and multiple uncles are elders in various congregations across the country and in fact around the world. I guess we will have to wait and see who is right. Well, you will. I already know that if God does exist, the brainwashing BS that you teach is more insulting to him than anything that i spend my time doing. Enjoy wasting your lives.
WOW! I just want to cry reading these stories and I feel exactly the same. I would tel lmy story but honestly it is in most ways exactly like everyone elses. I watched your video on you tube today about why it is so difficut to move on. You hit the nail on the head. I have been an inactive JW for several years now and I will soon be disfellowshipped. The “brainwashing” is so true. I never realized that I really don’t havemy own opinion about anything and so out in society I feel lost because I actually have no direction. I have never had goals or dreams other than those of the witnesses. It is a huge new world and I hope to learn so much. i read and read everything I have ever wanted to know about. Thank you to everyone who wrote and let me see that i am not alone like i feel.
I have a question for everyone on here(only a few) who are making comments about how those of us who have left the JW’s is wrong. WHY ARE YOU HERE? Isn’t it against “the rules” to speak with the disfellowshipped. I think that counts online.
I am disfellowshipped/dissociated. I would really like to tell my story now in full after over 8 years.
My mother began studying when I was 3 years old. I would like to say although JWs are awful, she was a terrible mother before this too. I was repeatedly brought to the hospital with ear infections and severe asthma attacks as a toddler because she would not quit smoking. She did not quit until I was placed in an oxygen tent and the doctors told her it would kill me if she did not. In her defense she was 16 and she has some pretty serious problems. I guess that is why she became a JW, they prey on people in trouble.
At this point my mother and father were already not involved. I saw him on weekends throughout my childhood; he was never a JW. So my mother was dating someone associated with JWs and they soon got married and both got baptized later etc. My step-father did love my mother and I think they both resented that I was in the picture at all. With their new found faith and their life together, I was a reminder of past mistakes.
My mother began to designate any free time I had for chores. By the time I was old enough for school, my non-JW father got ready to enroll me and I got excited, then my mother forbid it. She did not want me around “worldly” kids. I was always removed from any dance classes or other activities he would pay for on weekends as well. She began “home-schooling” me; which was in reality mostly cleaning the house and reading the bible. She even told me through out my child hood that as a woman my job would be primarily to care for a house and be a mother and therefore these were the things I needed to learn, and of course I didn’t ever need to go to college. It started with some proper education in my early childhood, but as the years went on their was less and less time devoted to learning and more to cleaning and doing her work for her.
At one point, I must have been maybe 5 or 6 years old, I told a non-JW (at the time) aunt of mine, that my mother and step-father frequently hit me. This aunt was very close to my mother and I used to go visit her for periods of time. She could not believe that my mother would ever do such a thing, and therefore warned her that I was saying these things. My mother came to pick me up and put on a good show of calmly explaining to me why this was wrong and how she could get in a lot of trouble if I ever did this again. When we were home she and my step-father beat me. My step-father showed me the scripture that says a father “must not spare the rod” and said God wants parents to teach bad children lessons by beating them. Of course they were always careful never to do anything that might alert someone to these goings-ons. They would only ever “spank” me… but most parents who spank, do it once or twice with a hand or some preset number of times to fit a crime. Not my step-father who would “spank” with his arm raised over his head over and over until he didn’t feel angry anymore (or at least I think that’s how he judged when to stop) sometimes this would go on for 5 minutes or more. Sometimes it was with a hand, sometimes what ever object was on hand. It got to the point that I would scream and cry and run, they would chase me and I would be held down. They would always say “You better move your hand or it will hurt more” and they wouldn’t give me time to do it they would just beat my palms until I moved them. I got convinced after the incident of telling my aunt and after child services had been called by people and “didn’t find anything out of the ordinary” that this was all in my head. Elders and scriptures supported this, it was normal punishment, right? It wasn’t until I was a teenager and I saw them do the same things to my sister, who was a toddler at the time, that I realized how real it was.
Of course it wasn’t just me. I can’t count the number of friends I saw be slapped in the face by their mothers or told they wouldn’t get any dinner for not sitting still and being quiet in the Kingdom Hall. How can any one expect a 5 year old to sit still and not make a peep for 2 hours? Their was an occasion that my sister would not stop asking to go to the bathroom during a meeting in which my mother eventually took her in a back room and spanked her over and over again, because she failed to produce anything in the bathroom. She was four years old at the time and had only been potty trained for a little over a year. It wasn’t until the issue persisted for two more days that my mother took her to a doctor. She found that my sister had not been trying to get out of sitting still at The Kingdom Hall but rather she had a fissure of some kind in her colon and had been experiencing a lot of discomfort for days.
Some times it was even less subtle than those instances (if you think its minor). When I was 12 and my best-friend and cousin was 11 I watched our “grammy” (my step-fathers mother) beat my cousin with the metal end of a belt until he confessed to the miss-dead she accused him of. It wasn’t uncommon for her to beat him with a belt, but they always made a big deal about him being a boy and me being a girl (it was always a big no-no to be alone)but on this occasion before beating his rear with the buckle end of the belt she pulled his pants down in front of me, I guess to make sure he was thoroughly humiliated.
My mother liked to let my step-father and his mother do the dirty work. She preferred to take a more psychological approach, especially after I stopped responding to “spankings”. Then she started a new thing which she called “grounding” but again she had her own special way of doing things. “Grounding” meant she would write a timed schedule for me from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. They usually went as follows…
5:30 wake up and get dressed
5:40 dishes
6:00 laundry
6:15 bathroom (behind the toilet, sink, counter, mirror, trash, floor, window, etc.)
6:45 wake your sister up and make her breakfast
7:00 eat breakfast
7:15 change over the laundry
…..
the list would go on until 9:00PM when I would go to bed, and would include tasks such as “scrub the grout between the kitchen tiles” (which because of her compulsiveness was done once a week). These schedules would only include an hour or two of school work provided by “Alpha Omega” Christian home-schooling work book co. and an hour of reading the bible. I would get 15 minutes meals and a couple of 15 minute breaks. Sometimes I would also work for her doing whatever thing she decided to work on that week… the convenience store fudge business, the restaurant they opened for six months, etc, not just house-hold chores. So all in all she had a child working for her for about 11 hours a day. If your wondering if I was allowed to play or have friends over, the answer is no. On average I was usually “grounded” at least 3 days a week, but sometimes for a month or more straight.
So how does this all relate to JWs? Their is not a person in that congregation of over 200 people who knew my family that did not know or at least have heard rumors that this was going on. The problem was they were all too busy man-handling their own children and making sure no one masturbated to care!
The only time I ever got any respite was when I would visit my father on weekends. He suspected these things, but I was always too afraid of my mother to give him any real information. Of course I didn’t always get to see him because my mother would shorten weekends or threaten me with not being allowed to see my father anymore as punishment.
These facts nor that I was molested as a toddler, and raped when I was 9 years old (by a 12 year old JW boy) were not taken into consideration at all on my final day at The Kingdom Hall.
I had always looked at women, I thought they were beautiful, but the idea that I was different or that these thoughts were sexual, had never occurred to me. I went to stay over at a 16 year old JW girl’s house one night when I was 14. The girl asked me if I had ever tasted Jack Daniel’s. I said no, because I had no idea what it was. She asked me if I wanted to, and I said sure, thinking she would pass me a glass or something. Instead she took a sip and kissed me. One thing led to another etc, etc. So I confessed to the elders. Her father was an elder and they told me this was a serious implication esp. considering that fact. The girl denied it and called me a liar. Her family was clear, but I had to meet with them again. At this point I had already been on their sort of ‘watch list’ because I had moved in with my “worldly” father two months or so before. They told me I would be publicly reprimanded and shunned for a period of time. I had had enough! So I told them I wasn’t sorry. I was informed I could no longer go to my mother’s house on weekends or see my 6 year old sister and 2 and half year old brother. Then I was sent to say good-bye to them in the middle of the congregation (this was shortly after a Sunday meeting had ended).
My sister clung to my arm screaming that I would die and she wanted to be with her “sissy” in paradise. My mother didn’t tell her to let go, or hold her. She walked away and made me pry my arm free to leave with my father.
This is the one thing I regret and I NEVER talk about. The look on my sister’s face… I haven’t had a day that I didn’t think of her face in that moment since then. It was December 2002. I’ve seen my brother and sister twice since then; once at my Grandma’s funeral and once at an uncle’s wedding. My sister seems to hate me, and I don’t blame her and my brother doesn’t remember me. Thinking of my little sister and brother makes me cry. I have tried and tried and tried to report them to Child Services but no one listens. I guess they haven’t done anything that is officially a crime.
After I went to live with my father I developed what I’ve heard called “catholic girl’s syndrome” I had sex with any one, whether I want to or not. Tried a bunch of drugs, drank all the time, started smoking, and did what some would call amateur pornography. I broke into places and shop lifted and got arrested. I started high school, and the counselors didn’t know what to do with me, and the nurses didn’t know why I was always sick ( they just thought I was lying, but it turns out I have Fibromyalgia which is often thought to be triggered by traumatic events). After a little over a year, my screwed up emotional state had taken my father’s pre-existing drinking problem to a whole new level. He became abusive under the stress. The worst was when he told me I should kill myself so I would stop burdening people.
Eventually I was arrested while he was on vacation and a friends parents picked me up from the police station. They learned a little about my life from their daughter. When my father came back, they had me call him. He threatened me and screamed so loud, they picked up the phone and listened and they immediately called Child Services. I ended up in Foster Care and these people went through special training and spent so much money to be able to keep me in their home. I am happy to say that because of them I lived. I am doing better and better with their help. At the age of 20 they legally adopted me as an adult, so that should something happen to me, my biological parents will not have any rights to my medical care or my body.
I still have nightmares a lot and cry for my sister but I am trying to put the world of Jehovah’s Witnesses behind me. I am still trying to forget my childhood, and my friends, and my family. Trying to suppress pain… but why should I have to? Should anyone have to try to forget their family?
I believe if my mother had not been part of a cult that supports child abuse, part of such a closed-off world, these things would not have happened to me…or at least they would not have been so well hidden.
My point is, the elders and a whole congregation stood by as my childhood, and privacy, my sense of sexuality, and sense of who I am, was stolen from me. Now they are watching the same thing happen to two more children even though they saw the outcome the first time. The Watchtower Society took my family and with it a piece of my soul! I have only heeled the little bit that I have because I found a new family outside of that world, but not everyone is that lucky.
I don’t know what can be done, but I wish their was something.
Also Thank you Erica for this comment “May we all stay strong, happy, and free from guilt!! Life is made to be lived to the fullest of our dreams, without fear and full of love. A God of love does not operate through fear and guilt, and any organization that worships a god of fear and guilt does not truly know God, because God is undoubtedly made of Love. We all know this deep inside ourselves, and anything else cannot be real.”
Hello all,
I am 28 years old and have been disfellowshipped for about 10 years. For about 3 or 4 years I have decided that I don’t want to return to the organization. I finally had the courage to tell my brother who does attend but I wouldn’t call him a die-hard jw. He had no reply. I asked how he felt my parents would handle it and he said they wouldn’t have anything to do with me. This is very saddening because I love my parents dearly and family is very important to me.
I am in a relationship with someone who is very conscious of their spirituality and we often discuss beliefs and the Bible. Since I have been away from the organization, I have forgotten or have change my stance on some of the jw teachings. The discussions we have helps a little. However, some things he just does not understand since he was never a jw. He has some knowledge of what he calls the Watchtower Organization, but the psychological side of it is missed at times.
I recently asked if he thought I should reach out to other ex jw’s coping with the lost of family. He left that decision up to me, but didn’t think it would hurt.
That’s why I am here today. I still have not told my parents. I don’t want to be coward and not stand up for my beliefs, but I currently live above my parents in a two-family flat. They are trying to dictate the time I spend with my boyfriend which I think is ridiculous and wrong. He continues to stay the night over. The concern I have is the future we are planning.
He and I plan on being together and settling down eventually. I want my family in my life, especially if I have children. But, I can’t fault my boyfriend or future husband if he doesn’t want to involve my parents in our future children’s life if they shun there own daughter. It makes complete sense to me. Its just a hard pill to swallow knowing that your family won’t be in your life. Basically, my entire family is jw’s. I would have to replace that void somehow or miraculously they’ll have a change of heart.
I’ve decided to wait until I move to tell my parents of my decision. At this time, I just need additional support and that is why I am posting today. Reading of how others are coping may give me some type of comfort. This is going to be a very life-changing endeavor. My goal is to re-evaluate my spirituality and truly learn and study the Bible. Not having closed eyes to other views. How do you know it’s the “truth” if you have never looked at anything else?
I am thankful I have opened my mind and am enjoying my journey. I am also thankful I have a partner who appreciates the need and tries to help me through this process.
That is all.
Not an ex witness, myself, I was raised among the looneyer, but argueably less abusive mormons. Crazy lil f**kers, those mormons.
I was a pretty skeptical kid, though, and I was a confirmed atheist by the time I turned 11.
Anyays, just stoppin by to let ya know I support the site, and to say that im both impressed and gladdened to see so many individuals strong enough to free themselves from the bonds thrust upon them by their deluded religious communities, despite what I must say are some rather brutal consiquences.
So peace be with you! Shalom! And a quick peck on the cheek for all you protestants! And dont you guys forget to pray for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in scientology (shudder)
And to my fellow seculars, peace out
Today I sit hurt and confused. My boyfreind of five years is out today in service for the first time. About 6 months before we met him and his wife split and the Witnesses just happened to show up at the right time. He has had regular studies once a week for the first four years we have been together. I was ok with that because it didn’t really affect our lives. This past year he has gotten really into it and has started going to theocratical ministry school thursdays and going to the hall every sunday. Now he’s going to be out in service a couple times a week. How do I get my BF back? It’s like all of a sudden he’s gone. He doesn’t like anyone anymore, he doesn’t socialize with anyone other than the witnesses…who by the way dont even acknowledge our relationship. They don’t even invite me to join them for dinner when they have him over. Because I love him so much…and we were engaged to be married….. before the witnesses told him that he could never marry me if I wasn’t in the faith. I started studying, to support him. I studied for 5 months faithfully, attended the hall…where we weren’t even allowed to sit together. I even went to a convention for a day. After the the convention I stopped studying. It was crazy. I mean I agree with alot of the morals that I would call building a good conscience…but the rest, live Jehovah, eat, breathe, sleep Jehovah. I could not. I enjoy life and would rather spend my time creating memories outside the faith. I feel as though I’ve lost him for good. How do I make him see that there is more to life?
You all are thinking WRONG! Just wait! The new system will come!
@cheri Ask him to if you can go with him! You can meet a lot of new friends and i promise you, you will FEEL so amazing! The friends will treat you like theyve known you forever! i promise! Just try it and see how you like it, it wont hurt. It will leave you happy knowning you understand him now just try it once! for me:) if not for your boyfriend who loves you but also jehovah
@cheri there only doing it so you do it for the right reasons. They want to see your interested in the truth before your boyfriend. Your additude is weak for trying to rip away what your boyfriend loves. Im very proud of your boyfriend for staying strong! If you wanna talk more email me…logann11@yahoo.com
When I was 8 years old Jehovah’s Witnesses came knocking on our door promoting their watchtower of the month and my mom answered the door. Unfortunately she told them she was once a witness before and they started asking all their questions and she responded and was deemed as “interested” and she allowed them to come back for more studies. Ever since then up until I was about 13 I believed it but then I got into my 7th and 8th grade years and kids in my classes were always asking me why I didn’t celebrate Christmas, birthdays, Easter etc. Also another huge question that came up in 8th grade and in my beginning years of high school was why couldn’t I date? Every time I dated someone up until 6 months ago (I’m 17 now) I had to keep my boyfriend a secret which really isn’t healthy for any relationship. Call it puppy love but I met the one and only guy I could say I truly loved when I was 16 and it was so unfortunate that I could only have him over at my house under circumstances that my mom thought he was just a friend. The fact that I wasn’t allowed at his house or allowed to be open about our relationship tore us apart and that broke my heart. To this day I was never able to be open about that and even now since I’ve broken free of this cult I still am haunted by teachings that have been burned into my brain. As I’m typing right now I am still convinced God is watching me in shame with everything that I’ve done with my life. But then again it’s ok because at least now I live my life without being told how to think and that I can’t watch the movies I like or listen to music I love because they are too “worldly” in a sense. It also feels good knowing I am allowed to be friends with whoever I want now instead of only making friends with other teens in the hall. One close male friend of mine started coming to meetings and an elder approached me thinking my friend was only coming to the meetings because I was there and everyone was convinced he liked me. I’ve watched that same friend change as a person and he has become so annoying with the religion, always pushing it on me and telling me to come back when really I never would want to. The man who studied with him came from a Mormon background so that’s how you know he’s most ultimately brainwashed. Another thing I always wanted to know is how in the world are two Jehovah’s witnesses supposed to find their true love when you can’t even go out on a simple date without a chaperon? By far that was the most ridiculous rule I had learned about with the dating department. I know of a couple that got married so young just so they can have sex and relieve those NORMAL* urges that every teen/young adult gets along with the crazy hormones. It upsets me greatly that Jehovah’s witnesses try to make themselves seem as if they’re perfect yet their biggest teaching is about how imperfect everyone is. If you know how imperfect the world is then why make such a big deal about someone’s mistake? I remember anytime someone said something about the elders talking to them and having a little meeting with them, everyone was scared and afraid of having to meet with them. I feel terrible because my own mom is so into all of this and every time we would have a discussion about me wanting to go to meetings or not it would result in her crying and me feeling terrible about it. These past 6 months have been some of the hardest and I want her to just realize that it’s such a hypocritical religion. I don’t want to lose her to this like I hear so many other people say. Anyways I’m happy I could let all of this out on here to people who know what I’m going through and may have the same feelings on things.
Other family memembers also suffer because they are denied visitation with children born to the JW non-JW relationship. The JW got pregnant, demaned a marriage, which didn’t work out. Gave birth to a second child out of wedlock and now claims to be so self righteous (related to an elder) as she is married again. The non-JW’s family has not been allowed to visit the child as the truth isn’t consistent with the story about the non-custodial parent.
The child born of this relationship will eventually turn 18 so please pray for this child, and the others who have been born into these conditions, will be set free. After reading the above posts I’m sure there will years of therapy required to help this child live a full and happy life. Is there a place where non-JWs can search for their “lost” family members and leave messages once they turn 18?
you all are crazy, im studying to become a witness, my life is much better, im able to make wise decisions
and no one forced me,im 25 im able to decide what i want,stop saying saying bad things about us and get a life.you are out so stay like that do not bad mouth us, coz you know it’s not true.
@ khanisa
you should be aware, that in recent years almost the ENTIRE recruitment strategy has been aimed at those who are young, confused and have had little or no previous religious identity.
this is because it will make you more vulnerable.
now, should we all behave in a moral responsible way?
yes.
is being a jehovah;w witness the only way to do that?
hell no.
and when they say “oh sure, there are good people out there, but are they living in harmony with jehovahs law and organisation?”
THAT is “CODE” for “us vs them”
so, in your “studies” have you had an adequite explanation of why it is jehovah’s truth keeps lying?
was it truth or a hoax that c.t. russel, based on pyramidology, said that jehoavh said the world would end in 1914?
was it truth or a hoax that j.f. rutherford said th ersssurection would occur in 1925?
did jehovah ever actually “tell” the society this- or were they hoaxing? or simply delusional?
i dare you to tell them you came here, to this site. go ahead, and pay CLOSE attention to thier faces-thier tone and thier rhetoric when you do.
tell them you sought out and engaged an ‘apostate’ site- and go ahead and say it was to “defend the truth”.
see what happens. see how nice they are after that.
and when they tell you to NEVER do it again (they will) what will THEY think if, as you say,no one at the kingdom hall forces you to do anything, if you go ahead and continue to engage us.
you see, we aren’t attacking the individual, we are defending ourselves from group-think and authoritarian baloney.
you don’t need them. they are making it up. all of it. it’s all a hoax. and it pains us to see people fall into it.
“..you know it’s not true”- hahahahaha!
the biggest difference between the “aposate” and the jw’s is that we WELCOME the scrutiny. WE have nothing to hide! WE don’t make outrageous claims about why god is telling us this or that. WE don’t make false prophecies, or tell people to let children die for lack of blood!
thats them. THEY demand lock-step obediance at every level.
THEY lie.
THEY make false prophecies.
THEY advocate wasting your life waiting for celestial events tht-will-never-happen.
please, if they have the truth, then you have nothing to lose by further research by exjws. prove US wrong.
Hi
I see you have done your reseach and you know a lot about JW than God, Yes it so happened that some of the prophecies that were said in the past by JW founder were not true due to lack of reseach or should i say lack of proper bible reseach, 1 thing i like about JW is the fact that when they have made a mistake it is with full responsibility that they acknowledge their mistake and rectify it.
I was born a JW and there was a time when i really believed that being a JW was a big embarrasement to the community and big joke to other people, until I got a highlight of my life, if it wasnt for the witnesses I would have probebly have been dead by now, the love that JW people have it so deep that every1 feels secure around them, it is with no doubt that these people are lead by non other than the holy spirit from Jehovah GOD,
They do thorough reseach and when ever an error was made, believe you me no other religion is big enough to acknowledge its wrong,
So go ahead and critisize but it is very clear to me that in your decision making a Witness in you always pop up no matter how hard you may try to bring it down and deny it, once you learn the truth it is and still going to be defficult to erase it out of your system, you can go ahead and tell yourselves that you are capable of making your own decision, maybe you are but the fact remains you had the bible influence and that will always affect your decision making in life no matter how hard you deny it, so who are you trying to fool, stop the foolishness and return to GOD and save yourselves a huge embarassement, I am not going to say that you have been lead by Satan to critisize Jehovah’s people because he scoops low but not as low as you guys, he is just watching you all and probebly thinking, he can never use such confused minds, Guys really your reasoning is really poor, it is so sad!!! I am not trying to be cheecky but simply calling a spate a spate…
The Watchtower Brigade is the most manipulitive , vindictive bunch of control freeks i have ever met.There habit of shunning people is awfull.
what are you thinking!?? jw are the best thing that ever happened to me!!!
I remember as a kid growing up my father (who was not and will never be a JW) was very opposed to my mother taking me and my sister to meetings with her. I remember not giving it much thought growing up, I was never really too active in the meetings, as a kid she would tell me what to say if I wanted to comment (i just wanted to hold the microphone). As i grew to be a teenager and my sister became more involved (my aunts and uncles on my moms side are still part of the organization)there was A LOT of pressure on me to become more involved, a lot of pressure to interact with the teens (i didn’t because I knew they all had double lives, i went to school with many of them and didnt feel right doing that) and a lot of pressure to be baptized. Every time a convention would roll around all of the elders would hound me, are you going to get baptized? is this the time you get baptized?? They would always ask me if i was going to go to college and discourage the notion of it. I remember how much pressure my mom put on me, she tried to strip me of any personality I had, anything I was into was worldly (i couldnt even like hello kitty because that was satanic.. wtf) I would come home to find my room was completely torn of anything I may have put up on the walls, posters were forbidden, school events were forbidden, school athletics were forbidden, talking on the phone with non JW’s was forbidden.
I remember someone had sent us some information in the mail about leaving the JW organization, I dont know how or who but I was blamed for it because I had been on the internet, I dont understand how this logic worked in my mothers head, but she seemed to think I had something to do with it and she started telling me all kinds of things.
This is how I saw a lot of parents treating their children, abusing them verbally, setting unrealistic expectations, there was a lot of superficiality in our congregation, I remember my self esteem and confidence being completely torn because none of the young guys there were interested in me. I remember being depressed all of those years and never knowing why.
After finally educating myself in other religions and feeling like my eyes were opened I stopped attending, I had to move out of my house, eventually moving back in with my fathers help, I started to feel happy again, I was social with friends and I quickly gain confidence when “worldly” guys started asking me out. I never slept around and I ended up marrying a guy that has been amazing to me. I now hear stories of other JWs I grew up with that are getting divorced (I thought this was EXTREMELY bad in the organization?)others that are cheating on their spouses with other members, and just a bunch of bad things coming out of our congregation.
I now feel that a majority of my childhood was taken from me, I didnt get the interactions that others did, my way of thinking had been chosen for me, and every time I see something on tv about cults, this religion is all i can think of. I hope to never ever set foot in a kingdom hall again, and never ever have my children be forced to do something they don’t want to do. Open mindedness and free will is all I will preach to them.
Oh jeez a bunch of people who have no self control. See the one thing i dont see in any of these posts is that you after leaving this “cult” (which it is not. its a religion. The largest Organized religion on earth if you haven’t realized. think about it. Its all unified unlike any other religon out there who all have there sects and separate churches)Found the truth in another religion. why dont i see that?????? its because you all feel sick going into another place of worship because its so obviously WRONG. Jehovah witnesses are only humans. And humans are terrible. but the teachings by witnesses are all logical. If you stop being a Jehovah’s witness dont blame anyone but yourself and lack of self control and shut up.
Hey all,
Been Disfellowshipped since 2001 (born into the faith …my father was an elder) and never looked back, so great to be out and to think and grow for myself……unbelieviable the amount of people who have been scared by the JW’s …..am I religious??……I am just a blank when it comes to this…..had enought doctrinated religious beliefs imposed on me all my life…I just want to soakin all people viewpoints …….but it is interesting reading all the comments how the beliefs of the JW’s does affect the way we view the world….I’m 48 and its taken me 10 years to relaise where all the strong feelings and beliefs around morals and relationships come form…..there has been some light bulb moments for me…….
EX JW’s unite…stay strong and be independant….
Cheers Dave
i have been studying with JW’s for many years. I do not want to be one of them but I read the literature and they have many good points. I have never meant a member that was practicing immorality that i was aware of. most people that do those things are not practicing a religion. self indulgence is a very terrible extreme to fall into. I believe that God sent his son Jesus to die in my place so I could live. I try every day to always practice living and loving as I feel God wants me too. I believe Jesus said it best, “Do onto others as you would want them do to you”
@boyd C Chance, I’m unclear about some of the terms you used. WT? Studied ahead? Do they really make you wear bright orange if you’re, I guess, demoted? Almost like a body-wide Scarlette letter, except it’s orange? Hmmm….Orange jumpsuit with a number???
@all, no disrespect intedended, but I’m curious about something, why aren’t JW’s allowed to celebrate Christmas, Easter, or even, say, Passover, when Old Testament folks were commanded to celebrate certain feasts?
God Bless All of you, and may we all come to discover the truth! I’m a Christian who is not welded into a particular denomination, nor do I want to be. I study the Bible and will worship at almost any church or Jewish Synagog. I’ve been approached by cults before, but I wear excellent running shoes, so forget catching me, ;-)!
God’s Blessing and Peace be with all of you, :-)!
……..Just so you folks know…….
I do not look like the pic next to my name…….Well, maybe when I first wake up…….
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