How I Became an Individual
A few years ago I realized that even though I had been out of the Watchtower Society for many years, I was still in many ways thinking like a Jehovah’s Witness. There were issues with which I automatically took a default Watchtower position without ever considering the issue outside of what I had been taught to think. Mostly these issues were in the arena of politics, morality and human rights.
When I was able to actually realize that I was still thinking in terms of my JW upbringing it made me want to look at these issues more closely. I began a practice whereby I would stop and consider an issue and why I felt the way I did about it. I began asking myself these two questions:
- Is this the way the Watchtower thinks about this? and then,
- How do I, as an individual feel about this?
When I found that my position was indeed based on what I was taught as a JW I would begin to educate myself on the issue; looking up information on the internet, reading books, talking to people with all sorts of different view points, etc. Based on a wider spectrum of opinion and thought I would then form my own opinion on the matter objectively.
Interestingly I didn’t always change my mind on an issue completely but rather my opinion was now based on more than one source of information. For example, in many cases my thoughts on moral issues such as personal ethics, monogamy and fidelity were little changed. To me these are common sense practices whereas in other cases, I began to look at homosexuality and sexual liberation in general in a completely different light. I no longer believed it was practical or necessary for someone to repress their own innate sexuality or completely deny it. While I am heterosexual I now respect and in many ways admire those who have embraced their sexuality whether that means that they are hetero or homosexual.
So too did my thinking change when it came to politics / political neutrality. I began to educate myself on the bigger issues and actually became quite interested in watching political coverage on TV. There are homeland issues such as healthcare and education to mention only a couple. I started to realize what a hard won freedom democracy really is and what a huge responsibility it is to maintain it. I began to look at voting in a completely different light. I now feel a little frustrated with people who don’t vote but casually dismiss or scorn it - specifically when they are told to think this way by a religion. As citizens, outside of the political arena I feel that we all have a big role/responsibility to contribute our voice and ultimately influence the governance of our country… we are after all part of a democracy, all of us enjoying its benefits. As naive as this may sound, politicians cannot ignore the voice of the people (at least not forever). In democratic countries politicians are not dictators and must eventually concede to the will of the people but they can only do this if the people make their voices heard. This translates to larger issues outside of the ones that affect us directly in our day-to-day lives, issues such as the environment, economic globalization, the military, etc.
I could go on and on about how my thinking has changed and how it may have stayed the same, ultimately though, it comes down to the fact that now I think for myself. I believe that it is my responsibility to own my actions and form my own viewpoints. Being able to think for myself, to make educated and informed decisions has at last given me a sense of what it means to be an individual.
Others may disagree with my opinions, but if theirs are based on their own independent thinking then I have no choice but to respect their position… perhaps there is something I had not considered; it is afterall part of the education process - having one’s ears open and not shut. On the other hand, I cannot respect the opinions of someone who has obtained them from a single source, without thinking about other points of view, available information, etc. Opinions are only valid if they are yours and no one elses.
The gyst of it…. open mindedness + multi-source education + critical thinking = my individuality… something I value and embrace.
(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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What a wonderfull experience…I too was a JW for many years, until I found that issue of “Farm and Tractor” and was browsing through the Dairy Equipment section, and realized that the joy and contentment that cows have is due to their un-repressed sexuality, and a machine that you can hook up to six nipples at a time and pump until it blows a fuse.
As a JW I was taught God’s view point on sexuality, and although he was the Creator of Mankind, as a spiritual being, he had no…er…”equipment” that could be hooked up to a pump and set for five gallons.
I don’t get out of the house much anymore…at least not beyond the range of this big orange extension cord, so knowing there are others who have been liberated as I have is a comfort.
The down side is I have had to take up grazing.
Tom.Rook@Technik-SA.US
I totally agree with you guys. Too many people are robots and have not unplugged from their comfort zone to explore a different perspective. As far as God having “equipment”, I too remember being told as a kid that Jehovah had no “parts” because God is not a human but a spirit creature. Now wonder why so many Jehovah’s Witnesses cheat on their spouses. They don’t get that God created sex and wants us to get jiggy with it.
I agree with this. When I realized I no longer was a witness, I instantly became a different person. Not totally different, but I did change my views on homosexuality. However, I still struggle with extreme anxiety when I’m around a man I know is gay. I’m completely comfortable around lesbians, maybe because I don’t feel “threatened” like I would with a guy who I know might possibly be sexually attracted to me. I know a gay man is most likely not going to harm me, but still, I know how guys can be.
Anyway, I find it funny how religion always seems to have something to say about sex; usually how, when, and where not to have it and who not to have it with. I’m sure all of us have seen the disastrous results of the Watchtower’s position on sex. It’s silly really, a bunch of old men pretending that those desires do not exist, that people can actually resist masturbating and indulging in sexual desires. It’s amazing that people have actually deluded themselves so much that they want to ban something that they KNOW everybody does, that they KNOW everybody will continue to do, and that they do themselves! They tell fanciful stories about the evils of masturbation, and people buy it, even though they KNOW it’s bullshit.
How many disastrous marriages have resulted from young witness couples getting married far too young to the wrong person because they just couldn’t fight those rushing hormones. I often wondered why Jehovah would make humans go through puberty at such an early age, then make them put a cap on all those budding desires until they got married. So the Witnesses have kids getting married. I’ve personally seen two couples marry where the women were only 16. After the sex gets old, one or both of them will realize that they just threw their teens and early-twenties away. All that time they had to get out into the world and experiment is gone. They find that they don’t get along that well after all, that all those little personality differences didn’t fade away, that they just ignored the conflicts because of their desire for one another.
I agree as well that I didn’t change my mind on everything. I’m not going to go out and get tattooed or pierced, start smoking, or fight in bars. But it’s good to come to those decisions on your own.
I am constantly intrigued by Moxies brain. I do not always agree, I may be on the same path, but not as far down the road so to speak, but I do always find her thoughts very close to my heart.
This is an issue that Ive struggled with. I find it hard to be non JW as an ex JW. Politics? Conservative. No gays, no abortion, etc etc. Its part of us, this framework ,Everyone get this layed over them as kids. I wonder if there is such a thing as individuality, and how would you know? we gwet so much from ourr parents, and early childhood.
Ive come to conclude, Im still afraid God is coming to kill me, and al those who arnt super witnesses, but Im much more lenient to others and their views, and hope he understands!
Im still evaluating all of it. As Moxie said, many things, Ive found, I do agree with, internally. i still hold to much. But, many, Ive let go, and seen that :”sin” isnt so bad, and sometimes, the experience of being ultra perfect and making no mistakes as a goal, is very damaging to people, and society.
It seems that alot of JW kids make huge mistakes in their lives by being forced to feel they have to get married to express sexual urges. Thisin turn puts pressure on them to marry young: often to the first person they fall in love with, or have sexual feelings for. In my experience these shotgun weddings (of sorts) tend to end in divorce within the first few years. My nephew is getting married soon, he is a JW and I just hope that he isnt getting married so that he can lose his virginity.
sonnyg,
I see where you are coming from. I really admire Moxie’s open mindedness and stoicism. A part of me wishes I could adopt those views or at least be open to the idea of homosexuals and sex before marriage but I feel like a lot of stuff has been programed in me for life. I’ve only been out of JWs for two months so I still feel very guilty and sad everyday, I even feel wrong being on this website. There is sooo much to consider out there, I continue to be surprised at just how narrow my upbringing was. Thank you to sonnyg and Moxie for providing this community!!!
Wow, this is very interesting. I live this very differently, since I wasn’t raised as a witness, but learned about it at 18 and stayed in the JW for 13 years. It’s as if, while I was a witness, I was still attached to my old way of thinking, but put it aside to replace it with the new one. So now, I just feel like my old opinions are back, only a bit changed.
For example, I’ve just been dying to vote during all these years. I didn’t do it, because I thought it was forbidden, but I really would have liked to. That was a sacrifice I willingly made, thinking that it made Jehovah happy. So now that I don’t believe in JW anymore, I don’t have to do a major research to convince myself that it’s not wrong, like you do. I really admire that you search for your own truth, by the way, that’s what’s called being authentic.
I don’t feel like I have a major thinking change to do, because I feel like it comes naturally. My acquired way of being didn’t erase my innate self. For now, that’s how I think it is. Maybe I will become aware that I’m more confused than I think someday soon, but that’s the way I feel now.
Thank you for your very good article, because still, I need to always ask myself: “Do I still really think that?” too! Most of the time, it’s yes, with some little variations… I gained a bit of maturity since I was 18! And like you, I NEVER want to forget that I’m the only one who can decide who I am. And even if not being a JW gives freedom, always taking the easiest way of thinking NEVER pays…
Take care Moxie and keep up your good work! Girafe ☼
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