How I Became an Individual
A few years ago I realized that even though I had been out of the Watchtower Society for many years, I was still in many ways thinking like a Jehovah’s Witness. There were issues with which I automatically took a default Watchtower position without ever considering the issue outside of what I had been taught to think. Mostly these issues were in the arena of politics, morality and human rights.
When I was able to actually realize that I was still thinking in terms of my JW upbringing it made me want to look at these issues more closely. I began a practice whereby I would stop and consider an issue and why I felt the way I did about it. I began asking myself these two questions:
- Is this the way the Watchtower thinks about this? and then,
- How do I, as an individual feel about this?
When I found that my position was indeed based on what I was taught as a JW I would begin to educate myself on the issue; looking up information on the internet, reading books, talking to people with all sorts of different view points, etc. Based on a wider spectrum of opinion and thought I would then form my own opinion on the matter objectively.
Interestingly I didn’t always change my mind on an issue completely but rather my opinion was now based on more than one source of information. For example, in many cases my thoughts on moral issues such as personal ethics, monogamy and fidelity were little changed. To me these are common sense practices whereas in other cases, I began to look at homosexuality and sexual liberation in general in a completely different light. I no longer believed it was practical or necessary for someone to repress their own innate sexuality or completely deny it. While I am heterosexual I now respect and in many ways admire those who have embraced their sexuality whether that means that they are hetero or homosexual.
So too did my thinking change when it came to politics / political neutrality. I began to educate myself on the bigger issues and actually became quite interested in watching political coverage on TV. There are homeland issues such as healthcare and education to mention only a couple. I started to realize what a hard won freedom democracy really is and what a huge responsibility it is to maintain it. I began to look at voting in a completely different light. I now feel a little frustrated with people who don’t vote but casually dismiss or scorn it - specifically when they are told to think this way by a religion. As citizens, outside of the political arena I feel that we all have a big role/responsibility to contribute our voice and ultimately influence the governance of our country… we are after all part of a democracy, all of us enjoying its benefits. As naive as this may sound, politicians cannot ignore the voice of the people (at least not forever). In democratic countries politicians are not dictators and must eventually concede to the will of the people but they can only do this if the people make their voices heard. This translates to larger issues outside of the ones that affect us directly in our day-to-day lives, issues such as the environment, economic globalization, the military, etc.
I could go on and on about how my thinking has changed and how it may have stayed the same, ultimately though, it comes down to the fact that now I think for myself. I believe that it is my responsibility to own my actions and form my own viewpoints. Being able to think for myself, to make educated and informed decisions has at last given me a sense of what it means to be an individual.
Others may disagree with my opinions, but if theirs are based on their own independent thinking then I have no choice but to respect their position… perhaps there is something I had not considered; it is afterall part of the education process - having one’s ears open and not shut. On the other hand, I cannot respect the opinions of someone who has obtained them from a single source, without thinking about other points of view, available information, etc. Opinions are only valid if they are yours and no one elses.
The gyst of it…. open mindedness + multi-source education + critical thinking = my individuality… something I value and embrace.
(5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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What a wonderfull experience…I too was a JW for many years, until I found that issue of “Farm and Tractor” and was browsing through the Dairy Equipment section, and realized that the joy and contentment that cows have is due to their un-repressed sexuality, and a machine that you can hook up to six nipples at a time and pump until it blows a fuse.
As a JW I was taught God’s view point on sexuality, and although he was the Creator of Mankind, as a spiritual being, he had no…er…”equipment” that could be hooked up to a pump and set for five gallons.
I don’t get out of the house much anymore…at least not beyond the range of this big orange extension cord, so knowing there are others who have been liberated as I have is a comfort.
The down side is I have had to take up grazing.
Tom.Rook@Technik-SA.US
I totally agree with you guys. Too many people are robots and have not unplugged from their comfort zone to explore a different perspective. As far as God having “equipment”, I too remember being told as a kid that Jehovah had no “parts” because God is not a human but a spirit creature. Now wonder why so many Jehovah’s Witnesses cheat on their spouses. They don’t get that God created sex and wants us to get jiggy with it.
I agree with this. When I realized I no longer was a witness, I instantly became a different person. Not totally different, but I did change my views on homosexuality. However, I still struggle with extreme anxiety when I’m around a man I know is gay. I’m completely comfortable around lesbians, maybe because I don’t feel “threatened” like I would with a guy who I know might possibly be sexually attracted to me. I know a gay man is most likely not going to harm me, but still, I know how guys can be.
Anyway, I find it funny how religion always seems to have something to say about sex; usually how, when, and where not to have it and who not to have it with. I’m sure all of us have seen the disastrous results of the Watchtower’s position on sex. It’s silly really, a bunch of old men pretending that those desires do not exist, that people can actually resist masturbating and indulging in sexual desires. It’s amazing that people have actually deluded themselves so much that they want to ban something that they KNOW everybody does, that they KNOW everybody will continue to do, and that they do themselves! They tell fanciful stories about the evils of masturbation, and people buy it, even though they KNOW it’s bullshit.
How many disastrous marriages have resulted from young witness couples getting married far too young to the wrong person because they just couldn’t fight those rushing hormones. I often wondered why Jehovah would make humans go through puberty at such an early age, then make them put a cap on all those budding desires until they got married. So the Witnesses have kids getting married. I’ve personally seen two couples marry where the women were only 16. After the sex gets old, one or both of them will realize that they just threw their teens and early-twenties away. All that time they had to get out into the world and experiment is gone. They find that they don’t get along that well after all, that all those little personality differences didn’t fade away, that they just ignored the conflicts because of their desire for one another.
I agree as well that I didn’t change my mind on everything. I’m not going to go out and get tattooed or pierced, start smoking, or fight in bars. But it’s good to come to those decisions on your own.
I am constantly intrigued by Moxies brain. I do not always agree, I may be on the same path, but not as far down the road so to speak, but I do always find her thoughts very close to my heart.
This is an issue that Ive struggled with. I find it hard to be non JW as an ex JW. Politics? Conservative. No gays, no abortion, etc etc. Its part of us, this framework ,Everyone get this layed over them as kids. I wonder if there is such a thing as individuality, and how would you know? we gwet so much from ourr parents, and early childhood.
Ive come to conclude, Im still afraid God is coming to kill me, and al those who arnt super witnesses, but Im much more lenient to others and their views, and hope he understands!
Im still evaluating all of it. As Moxie said, many things, Ive found, I do agree with, internally. i still hold to much. But, many, Ive let go, and seen that :”sin” isnt so bad, and sometimes, the experience of being ultra perfect and making no mistakes as a goal, is very damaging to people, and society.
It seems that alot of JW kids make huge mistakes in their lives by being forced to feel they have to get married to express sexual urges. Thisin turn puts pressure on them to marry young: often to the first person they fall in love with, or have sexual feelings for. In my experience these shotgun weddings (of sorts) tend to end in divorce within the first few years. My nephew is getting married soon, he is a JW and I just hope that he isnt getting married so that he can lose his virginity.
sonnyg,
I see where you are coming from. I really admire Moxie’s open mindedness and stoicism. A part of me wishes I could adopt those views or at least be open to the idea of homosexuals and sex before marriage but I feel like a lot of stuff has been programed in me for life. I’ve only been out of JWs for two months so I still feel very guilty and sad everyday, I even feel wrong being on this website. There is sooo much to consider out there, I continue to be surprised at just how narrow my upbringing was. Thank you to sonnyg and Moxie for providing this community!!!
Wow, this is very interesting. I live this very differently, since I wasn’t raised as a witness, but learned about it at 18 and stayed in the JW for 13 years. It’s as if, while I was a witness, I was still attached to my old way of thinking, but put it aside to replace it with the new one. So now, I just feel like my old opinions are back, only a bit changed.
For example, I’ve just been dying to vote during all these years. I didn’t do it, because I thought it was forbidden, but I really would have liked to. That was a sacrifice I willingly made, thinking that it made Jehovah happy. So now that I don’t believe in JW anymore, I don’t have to do a major research to convince myself that it’s not wrong, like you do. I really admire that you search for your own truth, by the way, that’s what’s called being authentic.
I don’t feel like I have a major thinking change to do, because I feel like it comes naturally. My acquired way of being didn’t erase my innate self. For now, that’s how I think it is. Maybe I will become aware that I’m more confused than I think someday soon, but that’s the way I feel now.
Thank you for your very good article, because still, I need to always ask myself: “Do I still really think that?” too! Most of the time, it’s yes, with some little variations… I gained a bit of maturity since I was 18! And like you, I NEVER want to forget that I’m the only one who can decide who I am. And even if not being a JW gives freedom, always taking the easiest way of thinking NEVER pays…
Take care Moxie and keep up your good work! Girafe ☼
Ive been out for 20 years. I always vote. One thing that I learned as a witness was not to be judgemental. (Jehovah allows the higher authorities to be in their present position) If my candidate does not win I am at peace untill the next election. I see many of my peers so upset that their party is not in power they seem to loose alot of sleep. I really have to credit my witness upbringing with giving me that peace of mind.
I am forever grateful to the men and women who have died that gave me the rights I have. I sat in school for the flag salute(I know we could stand but I was a bit zellous)Now I stand and sing the national anthem with pride in my heart. The founding fathers of this country were really wize, the witness, the Quaker, the Mennonite, all can enjoy the protection of the armys of freedom and it is their right not to kill. Our country honors that. Of cource our former witness brethern have fought on the home front to help secure those rights for all the people in the courts. My fellow ex jws we are all truly blessed. We are out and each day we become more free.
Try being away from the JW’s for over thirty years never been disfellowshiped I just left and they come around my home and try to make me come back and be a good little witness. they have come into my home afterbeing told that they were not welcome and have yelled at me that if i didn’t come back and do the right things I was going to lose everything I have. then a few months later they come back and say well since you were never disfellowshiped your aren’t in any trouble them yesterday they changed their tiny little minds again and I’m bound for distruction. They don’t listen when I say LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU DON’T CONTROLL ME OR BOSS ME OR WHAT I DO SO LEAVE ME ALONE. They won’t listen they won’t stop. My mom is an active JWife hard. I’m disabled and I live on her property and they think that gives them the right to controll me. I don’t care what my mom believes. her spirituality is her business, but i’m at my wits end on how to stop these horrible people messing with me. They want their freedom to repress people at their will, but try to get your freedom of religion and it’s as if they’ve grafted theirselves to you and won’t let go. There must be a way to prune them from your life. l
Muito Bom!
it’s normal to think deeply on certain situations however in this temporary life there are only two certain things,, the good and the bad. i am not trying to sAY you lack a bit of knowledge over the truth but i just want to share you something i heard this last assembly… nobody is forcing you,,..”you have been warned” your decisions are freely chosen..that’s up to you..
independent thinking is own responsibility before Almighty God JEHOWA(JESUES) HOLY BIBLE CLEAR SAYS THAT “EACH ONE OF US IS BEFORE GOD AND HAVE OWN BURDEN,BURDEN OF SINS OF LIFE, INDEPENDENT THINKING AND CHRISTIAN FREEDOM’You will know the truth and the truth set you free…..so those words are Jesus words.
I was for past 30 years JW,I do,nt have negativ thinking about those people who failed in the theological modern autocrative slawery of JW Brooklyn Organisation based on organisational laws of 2 century so call christian churches for example thelogians Ignathius or Eusebius,only JW laws are twisted in the modern style,but anyway this is man made Gospel not JESUS CHRIST
only Gods mercy can remove child of GOD from this organisation,I am talking about children of GOD who belongs to spiritual church in the heaven, who are obey only one Teacher JEHOWA(JESUS) Holy Word Bible,and are born again John 3;3
I do,nt count according to the HOLY WORD BIBLE that anybody who left JW have freedom!,what kind of freedom!?,HOLY BIBLE teach that all who are not born again from the Holy Spirit GODS WORD Bible written to HIS CHILDREN,are going day by day to the eternal damnation (death)today do,nt exist no more church or organisations who can save own members! JW AND ALL CHURCHES BELONG TODAY TO A SATAN 2 THESSALONIANS 2;3-11. One example is NWT Bible of JW,THIS Bible is completly false and contradict with original hebrew language and greek (kojne)ancient greek New Testament.This Bible is JW Brooklyn bible, but for sure this is most misleading book leading people to false Gospel.
homosexuality is a sin against own body Romans 1;22-28 you can read more about this subject in Deutoronomy,but each one of us is like sinful filty rugs before God,and each one of us have to have mercy and love to a human being,each one of us have to cry for mercy and forgiveness to GODS ALMIGHTY because of genetical sin from Adam,please?before you put somebody down,at first think about yourself!look in your mirror!?what kind of freedom you got regardless who are you JW,Open mind,catolic or Mormon.
just put your own mind,heart,and humble beseech for GODS MERCY BEFORE IS NOT TO LATE!!! READ PSALM 51;10,11,12,17 broken spirit,a broken and contrite heart,O God,thou will not despise .nobody can help us to be saved nobody!!!Only JESUS SHED HIS BLOOD FOR HIS CHOSEN CHILDREN
all Preachers and Governing Body of JW should pray and beseech for yourself and own salvation,but for sure not lead people to salvation because BROOKLYN IS NOT PLACE OF SALVATION OR GODS SPIRIT PLACE.They lead JW to a damnation (death,)man made Gospel do,nt save nobody!nobody!Maybe only few JESUS WILL SAVE FROM JW PEOPLE,BUT THIS IS ALMIGHTY GODS PERFECT PLAN AND ABSOLUTE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT SOLVE A PROBLEMS OF HIS CHILDREN ON THE EARTH, IZAIAH 9;6-7
PLEASE?READ MY COMMENT A COUPLE OF TIMES BECAUSE OF MY EXPERIENCE AND NOT AMERICAN MIND DO,NT LET ME DO THIS PERFECT,
BUT FOR SURE I DO HAVE CHRISTIAN MIND AS A CHILD OF GOD ROMANS 8;14-18.
CHILD OF GOD POINT ONLY TO THE HOLY WORD OF GODS HOLY BIBLE,AND OBEY IS IN EACH WORD OF HOLY BIBLE NOT MAN MADE SALVATIONS AND TEACHINGS CONTRADICT GODS ALMIGHTY WORD HOLY BIBLE.2 TIMOTHY 3;16-17.
I AM SURE!?I AM PROPERTY OF CHRIST?!!BUT NOT JW BROOKLYN SLAWE MINDED MAN MADE ORGANISATION FROM THE TIME OF JUDGE RUTHEFORD SECOND PRESIDENT OF WATCHTOWER SOCIETY, OR OTHER SO CALL CHRISTIAN CHURCHES
PLEASE?READ MY ABOVE COMMENT A COUPLE OF TIMES BECAUSE OF MY EXPERIENCE AND NOT AMERICAN MIND DO,NT LET ME DO THIS PERFECT,
BUT FOR SURE I DO HAVE CHRISTIAN MIND AS A CHILD OF GOD ROMANS 8;14-18.
CHILD OF GOD POINT ONLY TO THE HOLY WORD OF GODS HOLY BIBLE,AND OBEY IS IN EACH WORD OF HOLY BIBLE NOT MAN MADE SALVATIONS AND TEACHINGS CONTRADICT GODS ALMIGHTY WORD HOLY BIBLE.2 TIMOTHY 3;16-17.
I AM SURE!?I AM PROPERTY OF CHRIST?!!BUT NOT JW BROOKLYN SLAWE MINDED MAN MADE ORGANISATION FROM THE TIME OF JUDGE RUTHEFORD SECOND PRESIDENT OF WATCHTOWER SOCIETY, OR OTHER SO CALL CHRISTIAN CHURCHES
This article really hit home for me. I’ve been away from the JWs for a long time but some indoctrinations die hard. The last presidential election was the first time that I voted. And even though I knew it was silly I felt guilty the whole time. How is it that an intelligent, rational woman can be made to feel that something bad will happen to her for exercising her constiutional rights? I couldn’t share this with any of my friends because none of them would understand the impact of being subjected to that level of mind control. So even though I’m no longer a JW I still feel the stigma of being different. I’m grateful there’s a place where I can connect with fellow survivors and know that I’m not alone.
I’m 23 years old. I moved to New York in 1992. JW’s first came in contact with my mother and three brothers as a way for us to learn english. We studied books that we didn’t understand, and on the weekends they took us out to parks, hiking, just random activities that my Mom didn’t have the time to do with all us boys (She was a single mother with 4 kids and a disabled son in a foreign country, i can’t blame her). My mother begins studies in spanish… then My disabled brother died. My mother was devastated, we were all devastated. The woman that was offering my mother “studies” showed genuine care and love for us, she was a young puerto rican woman, a nurse… she was at the hospital as an interpreter for my mom after my brother died. She took it upon herself to assist my mom in all funeral arrangements, found an “elder” to speak of resurrection at the funeral, and my mom was hooked… It was the only thing that offered her peace. I can remember her prayer while they lowered my brothers casket. I sometimes feel as if my mother’s soul was torn that day. She lost herself. She became a robot. Work, church, work, church, work. My brothers loved the attention that they got at the Kingdom Hall and quickly become little JW overachievers. They were baptized before my mom, with her approval, and she joined them a year later. We lived the JW lifestyle: kingdom halls, gatherings, movies, weddings, showers, preaching, studying, studies, the whole cha-bang– no complaints until my eldest brother decided to leave the “truth” and move to another state (at 18 years old). My mother married a 20-year veteran elder of the congregation in less than 6 months of courting. Needless to say, he was a fucking asshole. Knowing that she had 2 kids with her (and one in miami), he made it a point to battle for the title of HEAD OF HOUSE and because the Bible said that he made the decisions, those decisions were final. He had a 25 year old daughter was was also JW. He kicked her out of his house because she got pregnant and he could not keep his title as an elder if he had a unmarried pregnant daughter. She was the first to go. Me and my older brother were left. My older brother was always into the whole JW thing until he turned 17, he got tired of never being good enough for my step-father’s standards. I was in the room when my stepfather told my brother that he would not be able to be an elder if he was still living with us, so my brother, with no experience, no friends (all his friends were JW), not a dime in his pocket, just a small part-time at the GAP, left my house and faced the world alone. I can remember the day he packed his things, my stepfather made us have family “study” time to prepare the watchtower as my brother was moving. I couldn’t help him or anything. It’s like… I get so mad at my mother for being so stupid and just sitting there as this fucking stupid asshole kicked her son (my brother) out on the street and didn’t even let her wave goodbye.
After my brother was gone, all his anger and rage turned to me. I tried to do the right thing but he would constantly harass me with insults and stupid shit. I mean, I get mad at myself for how much of a pussy I was as a kid, I should’ve been the kind of kid that said “fuck you, you’re ‘not my dad” but no, I wanted my mom to be happy. I played along with all this religion bullshit. I lived with someone who was supposed to be “exemplary” in the congregation. Someone you would’ve called to seek council. He was just the biggest liar in the history of mankind, and I will always hate him and the organization that gave him that power over myself and my brothers and my mother. He moved me and my mother to Atlanta, to start over and SERVE the organization where we were needed most. I was 15, just left ALL my family in New York City. In NY i could escape his world with my immediate family who always sided with me (non-Jehovah’s WItnesses), in Atlanta it was either deal with him, school, or the congregation.
As I grew older we kept bumping heads… by the time I was 16 my mother had enough of the constant fighting and insults that she told my step-father to leave. He left. Moved to another state for 4 years. I was more free, I was more open to new ideas with this new freedom and broke out of the whole JW grip. My eldest brother moved back in with me and my mother, then came my other brother. We were all back together again, but R (my eldest bro) was disfellowshipped & G (the middle bro) wasn’t a JW and soon moved out with his girlfriend. R my eldest brother fell in love with a sister of the congregation who hired my mother into her small business. She was separated from someone who was fairly close to us as well, we knew them from the congregation. Somehow someone found out my brother was seeing this girl and she was disfellowship. The elders of the congregation and they’re whole click of people who felt they had power in the congregation believed that me and my mother were in on the whole thing. That we knew what my brother was doing and didn’t say anything or seek council. We did know. But fuck you, its my brother, am I just gonna tell him to fuck himself? No, so I kept my mouth shut. They shunned us. My mom didn’t ever get those talks/assignments at the meetings, all the kids from the congregation that would hang out with me completely turned around on me. I noticed everything quickly and just finally decided to tell my mother the truth and refused to go back. She was devastated, but she let me do my thing. She only forbade immorality in her house, while I “found my head.” I got my first girlfriend outside of the church and lose my virginity at 18 years old. At 18 all i wanted to do was fuck, so I was constantly with my new girlfriend. My mother got me to admit that I was being sexually active. When I admitted it, she asked me to move out. Yes– AGAIN: 18, no experience, not a dime, and a shitty part-time at Best-Buy.———–
The rest is just a blurr… I mean. I’ve educated myself. I know that I had a lot of JW tendencies, but now they’ve faded. I feel that I make my decisions based on my research and not by being drilled with information week in and week out. I wish there were a way to get my family out of it. Both my brothers and their wives are JW. I have a nephew that my brother G won’t let me see, because G won’t spend time around me because I’m disfellowshipped. He feels that he’ll be the one to make me go back to being a JW. My mother is still married to the prick, she talks to me, but I wish she was more about her family than her religion….
I hate Jehovah’s witnesses… you took my childhood and my family.
The Jehovah Witness organization uses very serious mind control tools that cause the members to be unable to think for themselves. I was roommates with a Jehovah Witness cult member who took away all of my basic freedoms. It is very wrong to exert the kind of control the organization has over its members and not allow them free thought.
To WWINTERRAYNES and anyone else who would like privacy in their home,
It is unfortunate that your former congregation members won’t respect your wishes and leave you alone at your request. My husband is an ex-JW too and they would come to our home every month for years to try to get him back. We explicitly said we weren’t interested and to please leave us alone. When they showed up around Christmas time last year I’d had enough. I stood in front of our big picture windows decorating our Christmas tree in the nude. Guess what? They haven’t been back since! You may want to try something like this, because they do not want to subject their existing members to “corruption” and will flag your residence as a place from which to stay away.
May we all stay strong, happy, and free from guilt!! Life is made to be lived to the fullest of our dreams, without fear and full of love. A God of love does not operate through fear and guilt, and any organization that worships a god of fear and guilt does not truly know God, because God is undoubtedly made of Love. We all know this deep inside ourselves, and anything else cannot be real.
I think what you did is really smart and admirable. By doing this you have helped better yourself by making yourself a more rounded and open minded person. I really respect you, because you were highly influenced from a very early age by the Jehovah’s Witnesses, in a way, you were indoctrinated (or brainwashed) by their beliefs because you were constantly surrounded by them. As a result, you didn’t know any better. It is really cool that you were able to identify their faults and manage to develop your own mind, which shows that you were truly faithful in my opinion. I feel that God would respect you for that, rather than just continuing to mindlessly follow the JWs.
I used to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses when I was younger, but I left because I was bored, none of my parents did it with me, and because I did not have any teenage peers also in the congregation. I also didn’t agree with some of their doctrines, such as disassociating yourself from the outside ‘world,’ that really wasn’t for me and I feel now that if I stayed I would have rebelled and just been a hypocrite. When I used to study with them I used to see those children from JW families who were home schooled and pity them because they weren’t opened up to the outside world. I feel that if they were and they still remained JWs that would have been better for them as it would mean that they were true rather than just there because that’s all they know, if you understand what I mean. It’s mindless faith, rather than real faith.
It is amazing how things do creep up even this far and this much education later where I have an anal reaction to something and I realize I’m thinking in the dualistic absolute terms of a JW and I have to unravel the knot I get into and reconstruct the thought in relative terms. Sometimes, I get an almost PTSD reaction and panic if I sense conflict or fear that everyone will turn against me if I say something counter current. I have enough experience and new skills now, like conflict resolution, to work through that one, too, but it’s amazing how much that culture affected me. The fact that I’m pouring my heart out in the middle of the night to reach out to a stranger to say it’s ok, you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, you’re actually on the path to sanity.
The thought of having all of the answers doesn’t comfort me at all. I still had anxiety from the fear of the unknown, because I don’t really believe the stories I always heard in churches. I always say, if there’s a god, god made me agnostic. To me, the only thing that has freed me from anxiety is what I consider real faith, and that is just accepting that everything is uncertain and enjoying your life and health while you have it, and evoking strength and endurance when you face challenges.
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