Why Can’t Ex Jehovah’s Witnesses Just Move On?
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Just Move On Already!
…I often hear comments like this. “You should just move on and let the past be the past.” I have 
to agree that in many cases that is often the very best advice. So why is it that former Jehovah’s Witnesses have such a difficult time moving on with their lives? Why can they never seem to completely let go, even years or decades after they have left the Watchtower Society? Why am I here talking about this nine years after I left the Jehovah’s Witnesses? My aim is to discuss and possibly answer those questions by talking about what I know; my personal experiences…
Is Blood Really Thicker Than Water?
“Blood is thicker than water.” As you know that’s a famous old English proverb which implies the widely accepted sentiment that the bonds of family are stronger than the bonds between unrelated people. I am only one among literally thousands of others that are living proof that statement is not always true. When it comes to Jehovah’s Witnesses that statement could be revised to saying: Religion is thicker than Blood.
While many have experiences that differ, the most common issue that former Jehovah’s Witnesses share is the absolute and devastating separation from their families. The Watchtower strips former members of any relationships they had with friends and family members upon their leaving the society. Members are taught to hate and shun former Jehovah’s Witnesses (persons who have disassociated themselves or who have been disfellowshipped). There are no exceptions and there is no statute of limitations. The penalty for ignoring this teaching? They risk being disfellowshipped themselves.
The Watchtower of April 15, 1988 (available online at www.Watchtower.org, or you may download it in PDF format by clicking here) tells its members how they should treat a person who deviates from “the path of truth” or in other words the teachings of the Watchtower. They describe such an individual:
- one who unrepentantly violates God’s laws, or
- one who rejects the faith of Jehovah’s Witnesses by teaching doctrine contrary to the Watchtower, or
- an individual who disassociates themselves from the congregation (for any reason).
So the spectrum of sins which qualify one for disfellowshipping and/or shunning is very broad indeed. I know of young women who have been disfellowshipped and shunned because they didn’t scream while they were being raped (one of the Watchtowers constantly changing doctrines). I know of people who have chosen to distance or disassociate themselves because they didn’t agree with or questioned some of the teachings of the Watchtower. And I knew of individuals who were disfellowshipped because of adultery or fornication. Surely any group, sect or religion has the right to disfellowship or excommunicate an individual for not conforming to the set expectations, but do they have the right to enforce shunning? Do they have the right to literally break apart and dissolve families? Do they have the right to threaten their members with disfellowshipping themselves if they even speak to a former member?
From the Horse’s Mouth
What exactly does the Watchtower tell its members about how to treat such persons? Again, referring to their own article I quote:
When a man in Corinth was unrepentantly immoral, Paul told the congregation: “Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man.” (1 Corinthians 5:11-13)…
Obviously the above excerpt is discussing individuals who have engaged in gross wrongdoing or unrepentant misconduct. Note the reference “not even eating with such a man”, as I will talk about this a little further on. The Watchtower article continues by saying:
The same was to occur with apostates, such as Hymenaeus: “As for a man that promotes a sect, reject him after a first and a second admonition; knowing that such a man has been turned out of the way and is sinning.” (Titus 3:10, 11; 1 Timothy 1:19, 20)
The Watchtower uses these scriptural references to teach their members to reject someone who promotes a sect (a group of people with different religious beliefs, or a group with extreme or dangerous philosophical or political ideas - Oxford Dictionary). They define a person who commits this sin as an apostate; the most dreaded of all sinners. However it is interesting to note that the word apostate is literally defined by the Oxford Dictionary as a person who renounces a belief or principle. It is evident that the use of the word apostate is severely misused and exaggerated and therefore the essence of this teaching is flawed. Nevertheless the article goes on:
Such shunning would be appropriate, too, for anyone who rejects the congregation: “They went out from us, but they were not of our sort; for if they had been of our sort, they would have remained with us. But they went out that it might be shown up that not all are of our sort.”—1 John 2:18, 19.
Now I find this particular line of reasoning very interesting. Why? Because they make the fantastic claim that shunning is appropriate for someone who simply “went out from us”. But where is the scriptural support for such a claim? Here they lump in everything from apostacy, promoting sects, gross and unrepentent wrongdoing with simply rejecting the congregation or teachings of the Watchtower as worthy of equal punishment, namely shunning. I recall being admonished from the Watchtower, from the podium and from my parents that you should not greet a disfellowshipped person, you should not even eat a meal with such a person. I can tell you from personal experience, both on the inside and the outside, that there is absolutely no distinction made between the “crime” and the punishment. Indeed it seems a long line to be drawn does it not? The claim that shunning is appropriate for someone who simply leaves the Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses perhaps because they question or do not agree with some of the teachings. I fail to see any scriptural support for this, only a long line drawn by the Watchtower, a doctrine that a Jehovah’s Witness dare not challenge.
Another little gem from this article, which when I read it nearly caused my jaw to hit the floor. To summarize, the Watchtower contends that since some willful sinners were executed in the time of the Isrealites, God’s people were no longer able to speak to them (since they were dead). Therefore, today, Jehovah’s Witnesses should not speak with wrongdoers; as though they are dead figuratively. Well we can’t stone them to death in this day and age, so let’s just pretend.
Lastly the Watchtower article discusses how individuals are to treat disfellowshipped or disassociated members of their family:
God certainly realizes that carrying out his righteous laws about cutting off wrongdoers often involves and affects relatives. As mentioned above, when an Israelite wrongdoer was executed, no more family association was possible. In fact, if a son was a drunkard and a glutton, his parents were to bring him before the judges, and if he was unrepentant, the parents were to share in the just executing of him, ‘to clear away what is bad from the midst of Israel.’ (Deuteronomy 21:18-21) You can appreciate that this would not have been easy for them. Imagine, too, how the wrongdoer’s brothers, sisters, or grandparents felt. Yet, their putting loyalty to their righteous God before family affection could be lifesaving for them.
For once I am practically speechless. Here the Watchtower is telling its followers to cut off their family members, as though they had been executed for wrongdoing. Reading that sends a chill up my spine. But let’s dig a little deaper. This scripture, if you read it in it’s entire context is talking about stoning a rebellious child who is not listening to his father’s voice, specifically one who is a drunkard and a glutton. So it could stand to reason that Jehovah’s Witnesses think that fat people and someone who suffers from alcholism should be put to death. Well, again we can’t actually kill them, so let’s just take this out of context, apply it to any sin we want and pretend we’re putting them to death! I apologize for the tongue-and-cheek, but I couldn’t resist.
Life Without Family - An Analogy
So how does this all relate to why former Jehovah’s Witnesses rarely seem to be able to just “move on”?
Consider this analogy. Let’s say that you grew up in a very warm and caring family. You share close and loving relationships with both your parents and your siblings. Now let’s say for the sake of argument that your father is a Republican. Following his lead the entire family has always voted that way and often engaged in political discussions, putting their confidence in that Party. Now let’s say that you decide one day that you’re not a Republican after all. You’ve realized that you actually prefer the Democrats. So you tell your father that you voted for the Democrats in the last election. Now depending on the family you might expect any number of responses. Religion and politics are always highly debatable and often passionate topics. But one thing you would never expect: The Republicans phoning up your father, mother, siblings and all your friends, telling them that they have to kick you out of the house, they’re not allowed to greet you, they can never speak with you, no they cannot even eat a meal with you, in fact, since they can’t actually kill you they should pretend that you are dead. And lastly, if they dare do any of those things, the Republicans will come after them too!
Obviously that scenario is highly laughable and outright ridiculous. But imagine yourself in just that situation. You’ve been shunned by your family. You’re not welcome in their home. They will not speak with you or eat with you. How would you react? Could you just get over it? Would you be able to simply forget the family you loved so deeply and move on with life? Would you not agonize over the loss of your family and try everything you can to understand why or how this could have happened. Remember, you have not had a falling out, rather you simply didn’t agree with party politics and changed you allegiance, it had nothing to do with your family. It was the Republicans who imposed and enforced these sanctions. Would you not be pained over your family’s suffering too, since they are undoubtedly also grieving the loss of you, but dare not contradict the Party.
I know it is a silly analogy, but I try to relate it here in terms that aren’t to do with religion just to demonstrate how absurd this type of behavior is and just how frightening and damaging it is.
What It Really Feels Like
I like many others was a child raised in the Society of Jehovah’s Witnesses. As you can see from the Watchtower’s own mouth, anyone who leaves because they reject the teachings of the Watchtower is to be shunned by everyone, including their family. As flawed as this teaching is, it is regrettably ahered to by millions of Jehovah’s Witnesses around the globe. I, like so many others were destined to be bannished from our families simply because we didn’t agree with the some of the teachings of the Watchtower and felt for one reason or another that we didn’t want to be a part of that religion. Unless we remain one of Jehovah’s Witnesses we will lose our families and our friends.
There are never words to express the pain of it. My family is right there, but always just beyond my reach. I love them still with all my heart, and I know they love me. I feel cheated because I never got to have those little mother/daughter talks, wasn’t there to see my brothers grow from boys to young men, I didn’t see my father’s hair turn gray… my family wouldn’t even come to my wedding. The pain on both sides is unmeasurable. And again, we can’t forget, there was never a falling out, rather, a great ocean has been placed between us by the Watchtower; an ocean that cannot be bridged or crossed.
Why can’t I just move on? The answer is that I try, I have tried - but it doesn’t work. I tried to forget them. I tried to be angry at them. I tried to forgive them. I tried not to feel. It all comes back to taking one day at a time, trying to make a life and make sense of all the crazy things that happen in this world. My family and the love I have for them is at the heart of me. If I cast that aside I would be a cold and lifeless thing. So I try to live my life in a way that in all repects (other than religion) would make them proud. I find peace in being able to help others by telling my story; a story that can be repeated by about 50,000 people every year who are disfellowshipped from the Watchtower Society. My heart breaks for my family, and my heart breaks for the countless others. I suppose I feel too much, but I like that about myself and I try to channel it into something good and positive.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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The JWs are a cult because they try to cut you off from others who do not have the same beliefs, including family.
The shunning by the Jehovah’s Witnesses is considered a death sentence,it is more severe and practiced more widely than other churches. The Catholic excommunication is rarely done,and only means that you can’t take communion for a while.
When I was kicked out of the Jehovah’s Witnesses for whistle-blowing on Watchtower corruption my own mother was ordered to ‘treat me as dead’.
JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES ‘R THE FAMILY WRECKERS OF THE WORLD *
{”…If my family has any contact with me they will be justifying my ungodly lifestyle”} Ring a bell? It’s not from the Jehovah’s Witnesses it’s an excerpt form the discovery channel documentary on ‘doomsday cults’ describing the practice of the *Roberts group* a disturbing cult.
See all cults like JW’s have a shunning shame device to control members.. To be treated like a man of the nations (gentile) or as a tax collector does not mean that i am viewed as ‘dead’ by my mother.
Everything about the Watchtower’s shunning protocol is twisted and demonic. The shunning by other religions for comparison is irrelevant as the Watchtower claims that it’s disfellowshipping is at the direction of the holy spirit so it must be infallible.This is outright blaspheme.
In just one year 1987 I calculated by the Watchtower’s own stats that 4.4 men woman and children were disfellowshipped per hour as the world turned on it’s axis.
Get this,the Watchtower asserts that every single one was @ “the direction of the holy spirit” This is utter blaspheme by the watchtower/elder leadership. How many blasphemes do you charlatans need to be eternally damned?One,or how about 37,000 for that year of 1987?These are wrecked and ruined lives people. Matthew 18:10 Jesus dire warning to his high ranking apostles;”see to it that you do not despise one of these little ones,for i tell you their angels in heaven always behold the face of my father who is in heaven.”
The written and oral directives of the Watchtower elders are one priority ,that is to intimidate and save face with the followers and to stonewall a potential civil lawsuit.
Look either it’s the Holy Spirit or it ain’t da Holy spirit.They told me even when they are wrong in Judgment i must consider it a test of my faith and bite the bullet.What kind of mealy mouthing gobbledygook is that?
No it’s blaspheme.
–
Danny Haszard Bangor Maine expert witness on the Jehovah’s Witness
http://jehovahwitness.vox.com/
When “just move on” means “abandon your family” then it is impossible; and with people like Ted Jaracz bossing around the Governing Body, telling JWs to shun family members, you better believe it that moving on is no option.
Excellent article that deals with the facts on shunning. For someone to say “just get over it” is like telling someone to “forgive and forget”. You may well be able to forgive, but to assume you can ever forget is ridiculous. This is an issue that also involves a grieving process since it involves a profound loss. As with any grieving process, no one can tell someone else how long they should grieve and when they should be over it. In fact, the grief that arises from such a situation has even more impact than grieving a loss thru death, because, eventually we come to accept that there is nothing we can do to reclaim our loved one from death. However, in this situation, since the loved ones are still living, it is very difficult to abandon the hope that some resolution might still be possible. In this regard, we do ourselves no favors, as we are unable to move on and come to a place of closure regarding the loss. As a Christian Counselor, specializing in the field of cult recovery, I see this everyday. Some in my group have been out for 20 years and still suffer terrible over this and other issues as well. I, myself, am an x-JW whose parents are still in the org after 35 years, so I also know about this issue firsthand. Just know that when you are ready to come to the true God of Scripture, He will heal you completely of the deep wounds caused by the WTS.
Witnesses nowadays are simply an annoyance and the butt of jokes. It is now a slowly dying religion which has passed its day and has started on the long, slow, and embarassing decline towards total mediocrity. There is no hope and no promise left anymore. Time has run out.
Early Christians were persecuted for talking about Jesus, not some old testament figure of their imagination that they parade around like idol worshippers who are paranoid of getting their little god dirty. Their “Jehovah” is some kind of harsh super-daddy who will beat you if you celebrate your birthday.
I can relate to this article in every way! I was raised an only child…and a JW. My father was/is an elder and my mother follows him like he’s God himself! I left in my early 20’s and have NO family! My parents already kept me from my aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc. due to the fact that they were all Catholic. Now, every now and again my dad writes (types) these Watchtower style letters to me with (scriptures in quotes). I have lived for the last 10 years in guilt, severe depression, and the pain this has caused me and their grandchildren is forever painful. My parents are OBSESSED with their JW lifestyles and it hit me like a ton of bricks to read this article because it is SO true…especially when I read that “religion is thicker than blood”! JWs are so arrogant but they are brainwashed to be this way…you are taught your whole life that you are among the few in this whole world to have the Truth and it is worse than a death to find that you have been spiritually raped your whole life….no wonder ex jWs have such a hard time! I took me a long time to even be able to function in the real world. I am finally seeing them for what they are…unbalanced brain-washed…and religiously twisted, a cult.
After giving 20 years of my prime to the Watchtower, I feel betrayed in everyway. One member less makes no difference to them, but it is my one life which I will live on my own terms with success!
I agree with the earlier comment by Randall who says that JWs are now a dying religion because their time has run out. With almost all their converts predominantly interested in surviving the coming ‘end of the world’, it is just a matter of time before they reach the end of the railroad.
I was a Witness for 50 years and I was disfellowshipped 6 years ago. It took me far to long to realize that the Witnesses are simply loony and wrong.
Personally, my entire family shuns me, parents, 3 siblings and their kids. My kids are not Witnesses so we have a normal relationship.
I think it bothers my Mother, but it hasn’t really effected any of the others. My mother and I will talk. In fact, when the elders counseled her on talking to me she told the to “go to hell”, she would talk to her son any time she pleased. They backed of from this little 80 year old lady. What a hoot.
It does hurt her, but she realizes that i have a right o do what I fell is correct and while she disagrees, she respects my decision. She would perfer me to be reinstated, which isn’t going to happen. She has cancer and parkensons. She is a short timer.
I think it does hurt families to have to shun disfellowshipped ones, to varying degrees.
On this side, the shunning is not a problem fo me. The prospect of shunning is a big part of what kept me in the Witnesses for so long. If i had known it would be this easy. i would have left in 1976, after the 1975 prophesy failed. That’s when i began to “lose my religion”. I wasted a better part of my life.
Don’t let that happen to you.
“Why don’t you just move on?” I am often asked this question as well as asking myself the same thing.After 20 plus years “out” I still find myself running most things through some mental Watchtower filter.Being brought up a JW obviously has something to do with it.
Most of us ex-JW’s would love to move on.It is a daily struggle.
i was dfd after 16 years of service to the wts.i confessed my sin of adultry to the elders.they judged i was unrepentant and expelled me.i started to go through their humilating reinstatement process untill i read ray franz’s book.sometimes i wake up at 4am and relly feel the loss of friends and family-the pain is intense.i pray that our loving heavenly father will pull the curtain down so we can see the little puny man behind it.
Thank-you for puting into words what i have struggled to say for 17years…i too was brought up a JW and was disfellowshipped at the age of 17 and ultimately kicked out of my house by my Father who is an Elder.My Mother would have to arrange a time to let me come and see her as Dad refused to look at me and would not let my 2younger sisters communicate with me either.My descision was to leave Scotland and live in Australia(as far away as possible).
The only communication from my Dad was written letters warning me of Jehovah’s anger at me and Satan’s approval of me.He sent some Elders to my door in order to try and bring me back…i did..3years i lasted after being re-instated,then ran out of there terrified at the way these people got excited about Armageddon.I now am content with the fact that this is a cult and has no backing from God whatsoever.This time around my Dad does actually talk to me on the phone but can never have a conversation with me without mentioning Armageddon.
I still struggle to move on but each day that i read the bible and pray to God,it is getting easier and easier.
[...] was inspired by Moxie’s blog post on this subject, so I wanted to share my thoughts as well. I’ve been asked this question many [...]
[...] Posted by Moxie [...]
John and Carrie, your writings bring tears to my eyes. I was also born as a JW, was baptised at 14 (to try and atone for my older sister leaving and devastating my parents). I was also disfellowshipped at 17 and undoubtedly disappointed my parents even more, as my sister was never baptised and therefore never disfellowshipped, indeed she can still speak freely to whoever she wants). I am now 43, have been out of the religion for longer than I was in it… and it still haunts me! My parents have now both passed away however, and it is much easier now since my father died 2 years ago. He died of cancer, still pleading with me to “return to Jehovah”. I loved my parents, but recognised long ago that their love for me was completely conditional upon me being a Witness. How sad for them, and me. I am raising my 3 children by myself without religion of any kind, they can’t believe the stories I tell them of being raised a prisioner of my parents beliefs. I thank the universe my children are free to live as normal people. I would love to join a support group, is there one in New Zealand? I am so very glad I stumbled across this site, and wish us all love and peace in dealing with the cards we have been dealt with.
[...] of disbelieving family members and why that makes it virtually impossible for them to move on.http://exjw.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/why-cant-ex-jehovahs-witnesses-just-move-on/Beware of the WatchtowerThis cruel policy dictates that if someone leaves the Watchtower, JW&39s [...]
It is a difficult situation. I was baptized in 1975 as a JW. I raised a family in the ‘truth’. I am actually glad for that as it was a protection for my children in many ways. I was a Servant and Elder for years. Over the decades though life changed. My marriage that lasted 32 started to deteriorate; I started drinking heavily and developed a problem with it. The Elders had no clue about how to deal with an alcoholic and to me it seemed like they felt it was easiest to just disfellowship me. I was repentant, got help from AA, etc., and stopped drinking. Months and months went by I met with the Elders, wrote letters to them pleading in aguish and repentance for mercy. If knew I was forgiven by God. In the meantime I could not associate with my three grown children or their husbands. My wife felt she could not go out to dinner with me or socialize generally with me or have any contact other that what was necessary. After over 30 years I was left with no friends or family. I felt so cut off and lost after 9 months that I started using my time reading and studying on-line, I ordered books on the JWs such as ‘In Search of Christian Freedom’ by Franz which I would recommend to all JWs, books on the gentile times, etc. . In the mean time I was discouraged and frustrated by the elders. I stayed away from alcohol, studied and read the Bible and other books on religion and spirituality. I started to lose my desire to return but I was still sad about my losing my family. More months went by but I kept it up, I started to fake my desire to return, I was determined to get my family back. After a total of more than a year and a half the Elders decided I was ready or had been punished enough or whatever they thought and reinstated me. After two more meetings I never returned to the hall again and my wife and I are now divorced. I haven’t stepped in a hall for over 4 years now and I can associate with my children and I am considered acceptable association when I cross the path of a JW acquaintance. I was determined not to let an organization govern how my family can interact with one another. It was very difficult going to the hall and talking to the Elders the last several months. Many times I was very angry about the situation I was in and I felt guilty. Had the Elder originally been more merciful, I can imagine I would be back at the hall now doing the JW thing. But that desire was finally squeezed out of me by the harshness and insensitivity of the organization. I have many good memories from the many years in the organization but the facade is gone, it’s not what it was purported to be, “God’s true and only channel of communication with human kind”.
Hej I am from denmark. i was born and raised in Jehovas Witners, To years ago i lost my beloved mother I have no family because they all are JV. My father is stille jv and I se him several times a week even that he is a Jehovas witnes, My boyfriend is leaving too, he is invide or baptist so my father dosent like very mutch to see him. Its a great pain too see the live whit my parrents past at that way. we could have hat so many things toghether but it never been that way because of the religion.
Ok I hope You can understand my bad english.
Best regards katja (Danmark)
is ther a support group in tulsa, oklahoma for ex jehovah’s witnesses let me know . my email address is mystakrys@hotmail.com. thank you
I have no words to add. You have said it all here.
thank you
s
just move on !?
It looks like that red-faced poor sweating guy eating a big bag of chilli to whom a good friend asked : Hey man! just stop eating that stuff ! The poor guy answered: I can’t stop eating you know, for I paid so much to get it!
I wish it was that easy to move on but in my case and most ex Jehovah Witness cases, it isnt.
I was disfellowshipped in 1990 and it took me 16 years to finally rid myself of the Jehovah Witness doctrine.
This so-called “religion” is a cancer and I have took it upon myself to come out and dedicate my life on putting the organization on blast every chance I get.
I will be a thorn to them and I’m looking forward for them on giving me and the media the “NO COMMENT” stance.
My upcoming book…”The Kingdom Hall..No More” will be out shortly so get ready because this is only the beginning!
I’m looking forward on the organization calling me “an apostate” …I dont FEAR THEM !
Daniel Chamberlayne
The Kingdom Hall No More
Your analysis of the tactics of the WBTS is on the spot.It reflects the black and white thinking and absolutes which are constantly reinforced at each meeting.
The families have been trained over time to perceive the concepts and precepts of men as revealed light from God. A world where questioning and doubting even outright falsehoods is a sin of magnituginal preportions.
This is perceived as far worse than murder and immorality for it undermines their authority base.
Fear of reprisal and subsequent treatment is the primary motivation to practice this behavior by others. The leaderships’ fear of exposure and the rank and files fear of like treatment is not based on the Love and example set by our Lord Jesus and his Apostles.
Jw’s are people who preach one thing and go and do another. the say love thy neighbor, but i have family who are jws and i used to be one, but this family who is still jws act like anything, any thought, action, belief, anything out of the watchtower is wrong,false and mundane. Its so pathetic i cant believe there are others joining this
religion. my family that are still jws keep us univited to the’re family gatherings., because we dont share the same faith.
ignorant people dont see whats right in front of them.
I am so sorry for your pain and your loss. God is having me face something at this very minute. As much as I am about healing and growing in Love and God, I think I have tried to deny the loss of being disfelowshipped 9 years ago. (they didn’t disfelowship me for leaving) I never left my relationship with God (and I truly gained one while I was a witness)I have never left my relationship with My almighty God Jehovah, and His Son Jesus, and the Holy spirit. I don’t see them as outside of me anymore or disconnected from eachother, and I have grown and am a sprit filled Christian and believe in the gifts of the spirit and have ministered to hurting hearts and yet never untill the last couple of days, felt at liberty to talk about my JW experience. When I was one of JW for 13 years I started healing, growing searching from the inside and became more spiritual instead of religious. I started talking a lingo that didn’t seem to match theirs and I loved talking about Jehovah so I didn’t fit in the world either so I slowly moved on. Became desensitized and did somethings that got me disfellowshipped, but I loved God so much and couldn’t of course go into a devil filled church, so I went to love healing seminars until I was led to churches where I felt God’s presence about 5 years later.
Am I crying tonight because I didn’t heal the loss or am I crying tonight because, I’m still not totally sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is not Gods organization. I pray to know that I know that I know so I can totally let go. I don’t want to feel I have done a horrible thing here by speaking these things. –I am so sorry for you guys and I don’t believe God would want immediate families to ignor each other. When we’re down and weak, we are to encourage each other. I can only imagine how you must feel, espeacially you younger ones. (I’m 49)
Now I have to face it and cut it off and know I’m not being blood guilty and for sure it is not His government. I need to be free of any error. -My 14 year old daughter called yesterday who is visiting her JW dad in Texas. Although she belongs to leadership at a youth group and worship and drama ministry, she said MOM I think their right, their the only ones doing the preaching work the way we’re suppose to, their united everywhere…….. You see God is making me get in His Word and search for the truth and be strong in my belief again and be sure, it time to let this thing go completely by being completely sure about what is truth or I could stumble my own daughter. because I just want to be right. I don’t, I want to be free.
Would you please share some of your thoughts with me, that would not involve bashing the witnesses; there are some sincere good people there and I love them and God loves them and wants us to pray for them. I know your hurt, but part of our growth is praying for the lost and our enemy. Thank you for listening. I feel tender, so be gentle. May God bless you richly and grow you through this. He says he turns all things to good for those who love Him. Jer 29:11
My mother talks to me once in while but only for 10minutes intervals on the phone. And my sister and my brother inlaw will visit me sometimes. Course, its alot less scince I told them I am not a beliver, I don’t have problems with God, just 12 assholes in Brooklyn. But now I found thats a lie, I do have a problem with this so called God or as my mother would say with Horror and affectation Je- HO- VAHHH
Rahhhhh, sounds like a monster. I was thinking the other day that the first three words I heard in my young immpresional four year old ears, when my mother walked in on me masturbating was”Je- HOOO-VAAAH HATES THAT!!!!!!” Not sorry Julian for walking in on you. Or I’ll let your unbelieving father talk to you. And thats what I learned was that JE-HOOO-VAAAHHH(RAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!) Hates! and that is what he is a God of Hate. If he is real , His alter ego is Satan.
Jesus was cool and Buddha is even cooler.
So getting off track, my mother belongs to an insane religion. An insane religion for insane people.
If I were to wrap up thier Idiology in a phrase it would be “LIFES A BITCH, NOW YOU ALL DIE!!!” It is such a freekin morbid religion, no wonder why I was so depressed. Now I can laugh at it, But it took me TEN YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To sum up, if my mother doesn’t want to talk to me, it’s cause I will tell her the TRUTH!!!
Pick a topic any topic . Hey I’m a threat to my loved ones religion/CULT. So thats what they will hear from me.
P.S. - If it really was “the Truth” then they could listen to any critic/apostate/nay sayer, and laugh at us. But they are afraid of me cause I have THE TRUTHHHH!
- Julian
Hi Judy. I read your story and I guess I wasn’t too gentle, but Oh there are definetly some nice people in JWs.
I Understand The artist formerly known as Prince is now a JW.
Hey with all my venom, I’d pose as a JW in Minnesoda to go house to house with PRINCE!!!!
SHIT!! That’ll be the Bomb, YO!
My niece is in a JW family and she wants to get out. I want to help her but I don’t know how. I’m not sure she understands the consequences. Her family is allowing her to attend college. I told her to stay a JW until she finished because I don’t think she will be able to complete college with the loss of her family on her mind. For some reason she thinks if she gets away they will follow her. I keep telling her about other peoples stories but she just won’t believe me. Her family are very nice people, but I did a lot of research on the religion. The good and the bad. They are deep into it and I know what’s going to happen. She has such a strong bond with her mom and siblings, so I can’t imagine how bad it’s going to be. I know she’s going to get disfellowshipped sooner or later. I just want to know a less painful route. I guess that isn’t possible.
was brought up in the truth,disfellowshiped at 15 years old,my jw mother put me care home,i ended up in jail.Got drunk and drugged up,well i only had few years left as armagedon was comin,right?Enjoy it.Im 33 now, married with 5 great children,how long do i have? i just dont know.Mother still in truth.My sister got disfellowshiped year after me,she was allowed to stay at home,messed up,confussed,thankyou for a loving organization,u really messed me up,no sorry its all my falt and satans! The elders came in a car to the kids home with my mother,i got in the back,they said are you coming back.I said NO thanks.I was then disfellowshipped.No hearing,nothing.I told my mother id slept with a girl on holiday as id had enough.I left her a note telling her and i ran away because i was so scared.The police found me,took me back.I lied about sleeping with girl,i did nothing wrong at all,i just wanted out.She said id brought bad witness to jehovahs name and wanted nothing to do with me! So the local council put me in kids home as i was only 15years old.I was so messed up,id grown up in truth since 3years old,babtized at 13 years old.I lost the plot and got into drugs,jail and drink.Im still messed up deep down now.Thinking what do i do now.Thankfully my wife and 5 children give me reason to keep going.What a loving brothhood they truly are! They just dont relise there playing with peoples lives!! What is the truth,who will set us free, its not that clear to anyone ,but its not jehovah! Why must we search for truth,wouldnt a loving GOD guide us? regards Lost Soul!
I feel so much for all of you. I was in for 40 years, an elder for some of those, I am not Dfd but came close for apostasy. I quickly learned not to talk about what I had learned.
I belong a good ex JW site which helped me immensely. Iam now married to a lovely lady I met on that board. It is a support forum and I invite you to check it out. Maybe it will help.
http://exjehovahswitnessforum.yuku.com/directory
I was baptized for 1 and 1/2 years, and was disfellowshipped. After being disfellowshipped, I was told by the Elders that the only one that keeps me out is me. Well, I’ve been disfellowshipped for almost 2 years and have been making my way back,fighting depression due to this heart-wrenching experience, not to mention my own self inflicted pain of being disobedient. During this time, I’ve been making the necessary changes in my life such as not practicing the things that I was disfellowshipped for. It has been difficult for me because I’m not able to associate with my family members, JW friends, and this is a tough thing to deal with. I’d made up my mind to get myself together spiritually, and thus I requested to be reinstated. Well, I initally moved from the Congregation of which, I was disfellowshipped and started attending another one close to home. A group of Elders arranged to meet with me, mind you I don’t know them personally and so we did. Well, after telling them what I’ve been doing while being disfellowshipped and talking to them about my personal life they encouraged me to continue what I’m doing and so during the closing of the discussion one Elder asked if it was OK to pray, and another Elder said, “No, not at this time”. I felt humiliated. Instead of praying, they said, “Thank you for taking the time to meet with us”, and keep doing what you’re doing. We’ll forward this information to your former Congregation.” I would think that if anything, what’s wrong with praying for me, especially now. This makes me wonder now, do I really want to go through this humiliating process for them to only tell me, No? I feel that God forgives and is merciful and as long as I’m repentant, he accepts me back. This is in the scriptures. No where in the Bible, does it give a time frame for Elders decide to allow one back into the Congregation.
I was disfellowshipped 30 years ago. I have never met my neices in South Africa. The pain never goes away. I would like them to just treat me as any ordinary person. Nothing you do helps except returning to the fold. (which is not an option as I no longer believe they have the truth)
I hope the watchtower becomes a lighthouse of new light which shines forth love and forgiveness and accepts that people all have different perspectives which a loving Creator would take into account.
i dont know in the us but here in mexico myself and other disfellowship guys we are treated the same by our families! my mother still love me and my brother i eat with them and they talk with me normal even when i was doing bad things(i became involved in drugs)im still disfellowshipped but my mom stills love my i think you guys are exagerating ..i dont know..is it because of culture?but anyway …i respect your commentaries…here the only people that dont talk to us are non relatives-but our own jw relatives still loves us¡ thanks…….
I do not like JW or Jehovah.
[...] was inspired by Moxie’s blog post on this subject, so I wanted to share my thoughts as well. I’ve been asked this question many [...]
THANKYOU to all who have left comments on here.. i was a jw from birth til i was 16 and old enough to leave. my mum had always said i had to go as long as lived under her roof and when i was 16 i could leave the truth but also had to leave her house..which i did. anyway since leaving i have always had a dought in my mind about going back and what if it is the truth and armaggedon is coming and i sometimes get so worked up about it. i have had literally the fear of god put into me from a young age and it stil haunts me now. i look at my children and find myself imagining what armageddon will be like and should i return for their sake. i think im going mad sometimes…but i dont even believe the bloody religion. i think its cruel how the elders have so much power that they can split up a family so easily just because you r unrepentant. the list goes on really but i just really wanted to know if anyone else sometimes feels like me. but it was very interesting to read about all your stories and it just confirms to me that it cant possibly be the ‘the truth’….can it? lol. xxx
I’m sorry but I barely skimmed your blog entry. Nevertheless, perhaps my comment will be of come use. I became convinced of the correctness of JW doctrine while in my teens and became involved with the org against my parents’ wishes. Eventually, when I gained enough independence and after what I deemed sufficient self-examination and the like, I got baptized. I was an active JW for almost 30 years.
Finally, in 2000 I realized that, as I put it at the time, “Jehovah [as explained by the JWs] was not a god who was worthy of my worship.” I have since gained what I feel is greater clarity and can make a set of rather more pointed and specific statements. In any case, I walked away from the org and never really looked back.
After a few months, I decided to make my break formal and unequivocal, and wrote to the local congregation telling them that I had no interest in further association with the JWs. And I threw my remaining “Kingdom literature” in the nearest dumpster.
Eventually, my two sons, with whom my relationship had become progressively less meaningful in any case, decided to quit speaking to me. (I supposed they entertained a glimmer of hope that their decision would motivate me to “seek Jehovah” and return to the org, but I would not be coerced into thus being untrue to myself and *breaking my spiritual integrity.*)
Not because I bear my sons any enmity, but simply because the universe revolves around the principle that every action has inherent, intrinsic consequences, from which no one is exempt, I subsequently disinherited them. Since all of my blood relatives were estranged via my becoming a JW and persisting in that milieu and its behavior and teachings, and all of the relatives with whom I once might have been considered “close” were older anyway, I have designated as my heir a person unrelated to me who has nevertheless consistently and significantly contributed to my success and happiness.
I have no contact with my former JW associates, family or friends. I have made another life in which my past as a JW has its place (of mixed honor and dishonor) but overshadows nothing in my present experience. Perhaps my relatively clean and complete break with my past has been possible as a result of simply realizing that throwing off the shackles of control - which are a disservice to all that is genuinely worthy of being called “good” in the universe - is not very useful and meaningful unless it is pursued to completion.
I have focused on integrating and putting into practice ideas that are empowering and freeing, in contrast to the disempowerment and false freedom promulgated and enforced by JWism.
There is one thing that everyone should remember, if you live a good and kind life,treat others how you would like to be treated you do not have to worry about Armageddon. You will receive salvation in any event.
It is only those people who do not try to live up to these ideals that would have to worry about it and constantly think about it.
Remember, it will come like a thief in the night when no-one is expecting it. Also, the bible says quite clearly to beware of false prophets. How many false prophecies have the JWs come up with?
i remember reading in the bible that jesus would assosciate with sinners.then the part where the mob was going to stone the prostitute and jesus said “let he who is without sin caste the firststone”. that tells me that jesus is about love and forgiveness not turning people away or shunning them.
Wow. Great site. As a jw-cult family refugee I have lived with almost no family connections for over 25 years. For so long I thought I was the only isolated ex/anti angry former jw in the world. So many postings here reflect my personal experience.
The internet is a wonderful tool…. if it had existed 25 years ago so many of my generation who were DFed would still be alive. I have seen so many times that the shunning of young vulnerable people leads to them being turned out on the street, which in turn leads to them embracing the worst sort of friends, hard drugs and short tragic lives.
I now think of it as ‘WTBS murder by indoctrination’.
Tim
My mother and I were in one congregation and my dear brother was in another, not too far away. He was single and lived alone, and was made a Ministerial Servant. He was used by that congregation, he could go whole meetings without anyone speaking to him, but they were quick enough to speak to him when they wanted him to do something for them.
He became very depressed and began to smoke again, both tobacco and cannibis. He went to the elders and confessed. They asked him when he was going to stop and he said “I don’t know.” There was no offer of any help at all, and he was disfellowshipped.
He is still alone, still depressed and still smoking cannibis. I do not blame God for this, I blame the WTBS and that congregation.
I was raised as a JW and baptised at nine. Served as a congregation servant and elder while participating in circuit and district programs. After my wife had an affair with another JW member I ran with her and my family to another state hoping the change would help save my marriage. When the situation was investigated critical information was covered up because of friendship and a desire to keep things quit. After my move to another congregation (still drinking the koolaid)it became clear my marriage was over. I resigned from my congregation responsibilities and focused on my three sons and job. The situation became so tense that it became necessary to move out of the house and within six months I obtained custody of the children and left the religeon. Subsequently I met a wonderful women of another faith and we got married at her church. Thank God the boys were not baptised (something inside of me said wait until they were at least 18)….when my mother got wind of the upcoming marriage she informed the congregation that I left and DF proceedings were started on the basis of apostasy. Since leaving all that I knew for over 35 years the transition was hard but my wife and her friends plus new friends have filled the void. My anger over wasted time…lost loves because they were not in “The Truth” coupled with the lies and deception that became more clear as time passed on made me feel stupid and duped. We are over that ’stuff’ but from time to time that old bird wants to make a nest in my head. I consider myself a Christian and base my life on helping others when I am able and focus on the Lord’s Prayer to forgive as I would be forgiven.
So many of there teachings are flawed. They tell you in paradise you will not remember anything from this world and then they tell you about how you will be able to discuss your experiences from this life in paradise. My mom brought us into this religion. It tore my family apart. My dad hated it and my brother rejected it when he moved out. I’ve dealt with self destructive behaviors and cannot wait to move on. I am going to college, much to my mother’s despair. I feel bad for her, she should be so proud of me and instead I’ll be a disappointment…a disgrace. That will be hard to “just move on” from.
I was born to and raised in a jw family. My aunt’s husband (a former and current elder) physically and emotionally abused her and physically, emotionally, and sexually abused all three kids. My aunt was disfellowshiped for divorcing him, and yet even with all of his obvious faults he is still an elder. My aunt worked for over six years to be reinstated. We also tried to have them investigate why she was disfellowshiped (by a man suspected of sexually abusing at least one of my cousins and his own child) and why her now ex-husband was given a pass… the “investigation” was mysteriously quashed. My cousins are told that they are welcome in the religion, but no one will speak to or acknowledge them once they realize that they bore witness against an elder - even if it was their abusive father.
After deciding that a) I had very serious problems with how the religion is run b) I can not abide by people who are misogynistic or prejudiced and c) I no longer believed in god, I left the religion. That was ten years ago, but had I been able (I was barely 18), I would have left much sooner. When I was a young teenager I decided not to get baptised and I am so thankful for that.
My father and I rarely speak because most of our conversations end in him screaming about the end of the world and how I won’t be going to paradise and me either hanging up or leaving. My mother refuses to have any conversation that does not end in, “you should pray to jehovah,” or, “armageddon is coming!” But, I count myself as lucky because my family does speak to me and they did come to my wedding even though I married outside of the religion. Although I credit that to them having seen that jw elders can and do make serious mistakes, I have to wonder how they are still happy in the religion after seeing how they treated my aunt and her kids.
When I look back over my childhood, I am amazed at all I missed out on. I’m not just talking about dances or dating, but life experiences and learning that I missed out on and had to figure out later. I mourn for my family who is still in it and I genuinely hope that they see the light.
These people are hurtful and self-righteous.I know all about it.Their teachings may be from the Bible, but they are not nice to eachother. And especially not nice to people who aren’t in their Religion. i thought being a Christian was about being KIND to people, and understanding that we are not perfect. We can try to follow what God wants us to do, but even the Bible says we’ll fall from time to time.Why do they not understand this?
In this article you mention Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught to hate those who leave. [ People leave for many reasons. ] David of the Bible had to leave King Saul. Who would want to be pinned to a wall with a spear? At one count David was one of six hundred living in caves. Elijah thought he was the only true follower left, however Jehovah stated not so, there are eight thousand who have not bent the knee to Baal. When Jesus comes with all his Angels the sheep and goats will be identified. At present they are all in various places. In the Revelation God tells his people to get out of false religion. So Jehovah sees the heart, his people caught up in false religion. They need to get out, God is calling them out. Jesus our Lord was instructed by his Father to overcome hatred. Do you remember in the sermon on the mount Jesus instructed his followers. You have heard it said to hate your enemies, I say to you love your enemies, do good to those who hate you…….. your Heavenly Father gives rain to the good and the evil…….prove yourselves sons of your Father. In other words follow your Fathers example. How can you do good to those who hate you if they will not talk to you? How can you love your enemies and not talk to them? The Christian way is to hate badness not the person. King Saul made David leave, David never left Jehovah. Following Jesus instruction is the way to wisdom, and not to hate those who show hatred towards you. They need time to understand. The maturity of a religion is seen by how they apply Jesus instruction. It appears some religions have a mind of their own, not the mind of Christ.
i was disfellowshipped a number of years back. i got pulled in to the world so to speak (ex wittnesses will know what i mean) and sinned. i came back and confessed all. they said i was not reptant and so i was disfellowshipped. it took a while to heal from the hurt and injustice of it. or at least get over my bitterness at the elders that did it. but my pastor says that they did not know that i was truly repantant. they do not have the holy spirit> (in fact most elders in the congregations today are not apart of the heavenly class, they do not recieve the babtisim of the holy spirit because they go to live on a paradise earth so many are taught to believe) Jesus mentioned that we need the comphoter, the holy spirit in order to be saved. this i believe to be a fact. as to how it all fits into a tinity i am still waiting on the lord to reveal this information to me. i do not celebrate christmas, instead i ceebrate channukah as jesus did. he was after all : a jew. i do celebrate my birthday but not easter. easter is wrong and pagan. jehovahs wittnesses are one of those religons that look like god but are not. they have many truths but many lies in the mix and it is only the power of the holy spirit that will ferrit out truth from lies. i know god will continue to teach me these things because he is the author of truth and those who worship him must worship him with spirit and truth. and his spirit is the spirit of truth. i understand it takes tim eto renew the mind. but gods word washes. and jesus is gods word. there are somedays taht are rough and some days that are crystal clear but god will get me to where i am going. he who started the work in you will be faithful to complete it. he is putting my life togeather and the end result will be beautiful. i notice many seem to be upset over how they are treated but i do not see anything about doctrine and i am wondering why. because that is the issue that should e viewed not just hurts or unforgiveness over bad situations. it is spirit and truth that are improtant so that people can serve god with all of their hearts. if people have anything on this issue i would like to read what god has revealed to them. when god gives you truth it sets you free and he who the son sets free is free indeed. i am intrested in having all of the teachings that are not true out. for those leaving, be patient with the lord. it took time to make you a jehovahs wittness and it will take time to debug you. lol god will not abandon you. draw close to him and he will draw close to you. seek , knock and he will open the door cause he promises that if you ask for a fish (so to speak) that he will not give you a snake. seek the holy spirit. seek the babtisim and let god take over to renew your mind. not that it happens all in an instant, i am still being washed and renewed. then find a good church that flows in the nine gifts of the spriit as the book of acts talk about. pray and god will lead you there. thanks for reading. t.
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