What helped me leave the JW Society? How to Help Someone Who’s Just Left?
I was recently asked a very interesting question by a non Jehovah’s Witness. It seems he has a friend who is either a current Jehovah’s Witness or has just recently left the Society. He asked me:
- What helped you leave the Jehovah’s Witness Organization? and
- How do you witness to a Jehovah’s Witness? [How do you help someone who has is thinking of or has left the society]
I think this is a question that is asked often, but I’m sure that the answer is different for different people. I wanted to present my own thoughts on the matter in the hope that it may be of help to someone, somewhere…
What Helped me Leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses? - Not Much
What helped me out of the JWs? Nothing initially. That’s the cold, sad truth. I was on my own and very naive in the beginning. When I was a JW I was very zealous and extremely active in the congregation. Then I began to notice some very questionable behavior and other hypocritical actions of some members in the society; from lower up to high in the ranks. I can only explain that I became frustrated, disillusioned and more than anything heartsick. I couldn’t stomach seeing this stuff happening. To make a long story short I gradually slowed my meeting attendance and then stopped going all together. I had to make a decision, stay in the society and live with the stuff I saw going on around me, or give it all up (friends, family, community). I was terrified to be on my own and I mourned the loss of my close friends and family, but I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do, I knew I had to keep my integrity or I would lose myself. So I left. It was a very, very lonely time for me. For the first few years, believe it or not, I still defended the witnesses. I was so afraid to speak out against them, their practices or beliefs - even to think badly of it. I was afraid that I would commit the unforgivable sin: Apostasy; sinning against the Holy Spirit.
Step One - The Awakening
It wasn’t until I had been ‘out’ on my own for about 4 years when I actually began to question the Society. The main reason for this is that the person I was with, my ex-husband, didn’t judge it and didn’t pick apart my beliefs (even though they really weren’t my beliefs any longer). I didn’t have a reason to have to defend the JWs anymore, because he wasn’t challenging their teachings. He was very much what you might call a free-spirit. He believed in God but didn’t think there was only one way to find him. I guess I could sum up his philosophy by saying that he thought that as individuals we each had to find our own path and in the end it only matters that you feel your following your heart. Oftentimes he would talk about his views which I didn’t believe at first, but slowly started to listen, then think about what he said… and ultimately I began to think for myself.
The Journey: Independent Study and Research
Even though I’ve been ‘out’ for almost nine years, in retrospect I honestly can’t consider myself free until that time that I began THINKING. My fear slowly dissolved, I began to study many, many other religions. I found common denominators with many if not most, I found good things and bad things. This really was a journey for me. The one thing that I never found was one religion that made sense. To this day there is no way I could subscribe to any organized religion. I feel that ultimately men will use and distort religion to serve their own purposes. Needless to say, my beliefs bent and swayed until finally I realized I was thinking like an agnostic. I couldn’t find the answers that mattered so I wondered if they were even out there. The thirst for knowledge was still there and so I engrossed myself once again in study and research. This time though I was studying religion and creation concepts by means of science. For me, learning what I did about our universe and evolutionary biology I had no choice but to rationally consider what I had learned. The result? I am now an Atheist, which is by no means easy. I miss having faith in something greater than us. I mourn the loss of a hope after death, but to me - I have found ‘my’ truth. Now I live life day-to-day, planning for my future and trying to contribute something to the world by my presence here. I suppose my perspective has definitely changed some, but by believing that this is a one-stop-deal I really try to be make my life count for something.
How to Help Someone put the Jehovah’s Witnesses Behind Them?
If you’re trying to help your friend(s) after leaving the JW Society, all I can suggest is listen to them… let them talk it out. Don’t question or belittle or criticize their beliefs. Rather I strongly believe that you need to hear them; let them have their say. Then you may want to give them some other things to think about in a non-threatening way. Sometimes you need not say anything at all. JWs are used to debating and arguing everything, so that’s a lesson in itself - learning that sometimes its okay to just listen, and reflect on what you’ve heard.
Perhaps that’s not much advice, but maybe it will help offer some perspective. As you have read it took me years to shead the beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses even though I was no longer one of them.
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Jehovah’s Witnesses are a cult because they try to cut you off from others who do not have the same beliefs, including family. Yes,you can ‘check out anytime you want but you can never leave’,because they can and will hold your family hostage.
The Watchtower is a truly Orwellian world.
The ‘message’ is their false Gospel that Jesus had his second coming already in 1914.The problem with this,is it’s not just a cute fairy tale, Jesus warned of the false prophets who would claim “..look he is here in the wilderness,or see here he is at the temple”
The Watchtower’s Gospel “kingdom” is a man-made “different version”.(Gal.1:8)
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Danny Haszard born 1957 as a 3rd generation Jehovah’s Witness http://jehovahwitness.vox.com/
Your insight into this and research are amazing. Not all JW’s follow the rules on this, however. It seems to have lightened in recent years. Still, the point about shunning being non biblical, with broad definitions of what is ” shunnable” offense, etc, is right on. In essence, the Watchtower can decide on any topic, doctrine, or prophecy, and rule that as law to be followed. You can choose not to in your head, but thats it. You must obey. They get away with this with the ” Faithful and Discreet Slave” concept , of ultimate authority, much the same way all religions have said they are the only true reps of God, therefore are right in doing so. So, if, for example, coffee becomes a substance that they think is equal to drugs or cigarettes, they will mandate, ” No coffee”. If you dont comply, you will be cut off. Where, o where, does it say that anyone, at any time, has the ability and God given authority to add to the bible on what is a sin, and what is not?
They do this constantly. I was d f’d for asking for answers to the reams of information online about the history and flawed prophecies of the Watchtower. No answers were given, or even attempted, just, ” change your mind, or your leaving Jehovah with this kind of thinking”
It really upset me. I had given all my life to this
live and learn
I recently fell in love with a JW and since recently breaking it off 2mo ago - for the simple fact that I started researching in my own time - I have become more and more fascinated. I have devoured 4 books, and come to sites like this and ex-JW sites everyday. I, like the person Moxie mentions above, would like to think that in some way I might be able to “plant a few seeds” over time to help him out. I am learning everything I can about mind control etc. So far, I can deduce that the very best way to get the process started is to let them know you’ll be there for them no matter what, ask questions and listen but don’t give opinions of your own (just listen, nod and smile), invite them to as many “happy, worldly occasions” as you can (but not birthdays or Christmas, or Halloween, or, or, or !!!)
Oh, and one more thing, make sure you read as many stories and posts like this as you can so you get the best understanding of what their world is like as possible. Oh AND… NEVER criticize. EVER. If they say anything critical of the Watchtower themselves, just nod, say, “I see” or ask them to explain more, but don’t agree (or start bitching… EVER). You have to let them steer their own thoughts.
I’m so determined to raise awareness of this. I knew nothing of the JWs until about 6mo ago when I met this gorgeous guy… Bugger that WT!
I really would love to commend you on your journey of discovery in religion. I for myself went through such a phase and i can tell you its the most precious journey one can go on. I am a bit concerned about people being extremists. They label themselves and put themselves in boxes. Like its either you believe in evolution or you don’t. Its either you are gay or heterosexual. Its either you believe in God or you don’t. One will jump from one to the other wanting to belong to a certain group. I came to discover so many things by myself without going too much into theory. When you do this you will find the truth that is not based on extremism or self labelling. Think about it.
Hi im 17, baptised since i was 14 and brought up in the truth. For the past few months I’ve been contemplating why I am a Jehovahs Witness. I realised even though I believed a lot of it there were things I couldn’t agree on. I constantly feel guilty because I’m not a ‘perfect publisher or pioneer’. And this led me to clinical depression that I’ve had for 4 years now(apparently quite unusual at my age). I’d really just got baptised because I didnt want to loose my friends. Anyway it all reached a point last month when a guy in ‘the world’ became interested in me. I started to go out with him and realised I wasnt worthless. But the elders told me i had to break it off. I found I couldn’t do it…I didnt WANT to…It wasnt just the thought that i might never be with someone in the truth. Its the fact that ive spent all my life thinking about pleasing other people and im just so tired. So I told an elder in my congregation today I didnt want to come to meetings anymore…it was so difficult just to get the words out…I had a sheperding visit last week but they tried to persuade me back into it…get me studying with a sister I was comfortable with. I had one study and I just felt like a fraud. She is coming over today to talk about it. I then have to tell my best friend of 12 years and my sister I live with(only family member still in truth after mum, older 2 sisters and brother left…who have been very supportive recently) that I cant see them anymore. This is going to break her heart and mine too but I know what I have to do. Anyway this website has helped me to reafirm that I am about to do the right thing for myself. Wish me luck and I’ll let you know how I get on…x
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